Confused

[cadence]

I can understand your confusion, and am more than likely in the same situation as you yourself are.

I am very nosy too, so if you don't like what I ask you don't have to answer at all.
Have you only been with him for a year and a half or longer? or have you just not had any sexual relations in that time.

It is hard to convey your thoughts and what you would like in respect to being submissive and being Dominated by another.

I don't think that I would worry about pressuring him, if he has been understanding that you don't want to have sex, then you both have obviously discussed this and you can also discuss your other wants as well.

If you can't see yourself being in a vanilla relationship, then I suggest you talk to him about it.
I do know that it is a difficult thing to discuss, but it does get easier once you let it out.

Maybe you had stronger feelings than what he did when he pinned your arms above your head, but he didn't think too much about it.

Ask him about it, and maybe discuss some more things that you would like.
Show him stories that turn you on. Talk about things that you think are sexy about being Dominated.

You don't have to come out and say that this is what I want now, but let him know that you find these things a big turnon and you might like to try them if he does as well.

Start slow and proceed from there.

[silver9]

I am very nosy too, so if you don't like what I ask you don't have to answer at all.
Have you only been with him for a year and a half or longer? or have you just not had any sexual relations in that time.

With the whole no sex things; my family is very, very strict, and if I was to ever get pregnant before marriage then I really don't even want to know what they'd do. We do everything but actual sex, and he's been okay with that because he's met my family and I've explained it to him; and we've been together for a year and a half virtually exactly, sorry if I didn't explain everything clearly

Oh, and thanks for the advice Euryleia and cadence, I think I'll try and talk to him next time we're alone

[Ozme52]

With the whole no sex things; my family is very, very strict, and if I was to ever get pregnant before marriage then I really don't even want to know what they'd do. We do everything but actual sex, and he's been okay with that because he's met my family and I've explained it to him; and we've been together for a year and a half virtually exactly, sorry if I didn't explain everything clearly

So... help me out here... sorry to be blunt. Does that mean you have oral genital contact? anal? mutual masturbation? Just not vaginal intercourse?

And... what exactly are you thinking of when you say "I want to be dominated."

[silver9]

So... help me out here... sorry to be blunt. Does that mean you have oral genital contact? anal? mutual masturbation? Just not vaginal intercourse?

Everything on that list but just not anal, at the moment

And... what exactly are you thinking of when you say "I want to be dominated."

I have a vague idea with that, and I've been trying to figure out more exactly what I do want; but I'm really new to all this so I think I have to grow a bit before I can say exactly how I fit into the whole BDSM life; just trying to find out more is the main reason I joined this forum.

Right now I'm just thinking whether it's better to wait and figure things out before I bring it up again; the last thing I want to do is to make a mistake, and I know there's a lot of stuff I still have to find out about it all

[gemmy]

Right now I'm just thinking whether it's better to wait and figure things out before I bring it up again; the last thing I want to do is to make a mistake, and I know there's a lot of stuff I still have to find out about it all

silver, hun - that is a thought for sure but I think you are on the right track with continuing to learn all you can. Read, absorb, find out what makes you really tingle when you read this or that and how you could see that happening for you, if you can see that happening for you.

Asking questions openly helps go a long way in hearing other's views and perspectives which you can then take into yourself to see if that is something you like or not. It's part of the learning process.

Knowing what you might want will help guide you firstly and staying open to other ideas will help you continue to grow and learn more.

Where your boyfriend is concerned, all you can do is state openly, bluntly and honestly how you feel - don't 'skirt' around maybe's and what if's. Let him know outright it is something you Need to explore and would like him to explore with you. He will let you know if that is not for him or if he thinks it would be interesting to learn together or not

[fetishdj]

With the whole no sex things; my family is very, very strict, and if I was to ever get pregnant before marriage then I really don't even want to know what they'd do. We do everything but actual sex, and he's been okay with that because he's met my family and I've explained it to him; and we've been together for a year and a half virtually exactly, sorry if I didn't explain everything clearly

With the 'strict' thing above, I am presuming that this precludes any form of contraception? If not, you may want to look into that as it can solve a lot of your issues here. I also assume that you are being very careful about how you perform oral sex and mutual masturbation as there is always a risk of passing on disease through these methods (though not if neither of you have no other partners so I wouldn't worry too much about that at present).

I also assume that you intend to marry this guy at some point and may even have made plans in that direction? Thats the impression I get from your post, anyway.

Anyway, you want him to dominate you? That sounds like a big step to take from the position you are in now. I think you need to work slowly and build up to this and also make sure that this is indeed what you want and he is the guy you want it with (and that he wants to be this way with you). There is a big difference between 'a bit of kinky sex' and total power exchange - where you give up control of your life to him in its entirity. The process will involve a lot of trust and affection.

Ok, you've done the 'holding hands above head' thing - quite a common thing even in vanilla sex. The next step (and also quite common even with vanilla couples) may be to try the old 'silk scarves on the bed post with a blindfold on' bit. Though I wouldn't use silk scarves because they tend to tighten too much and can cut off the circulation - use something softer and more robust like cotton. Suggest it as a fun game. Many other 'normal' couples do it so he may not see it as such a bad thing. Once you are tied up, you can experiment with things like food play and tickling/touch sensations. One game I have had fun playing in vanilla sex is tying the other person up, blindfolding them and then using various objects on the skin like feathers, different types of cloth (rough wool, silk, velvet) and so on to get different sensations. You can play a 'guess the object' game while doing it.

You can also ask him to spank you during your sessions. Again, many normal couples experiment with a bit of spanking (I am sure you could find an article in Cosmo or a similar woman's magazine to prove this fact to him if you needed to, they seem to print a rather tame 'kinky sex' article every issue or so ) so he may not see this as unusual.

Basically, work him up to more extreme things by slow progression, convincing him that this sort of thing is normal for many couples (it is, beleive me... the number of vanilla girls I have slept with in my time who did not know my kink but still asked me to spank them or tie them up...). Once he gets into the mindset of enjoying this stuff then you will be half way there.