I need advice on strict Christian Parents.

[Mr.FixIt]

^ Right on Amber! You continue to impress me!

Amber is right, until you can support yourself, you cannot expect to be in charge of yourself. Then again, someone will always have authority over you--whether it be your boss, the law, God, etc.

One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced. I don't mean to sound condescending. I also was very young once and had little experience (in fact, at your age, I knew nothing about BDSM). I am not suggesting that your Dom should stand up and proclaim his status to your 'rents, but he should at least do his best to ensure that he is not complicating your life while you are under their control.

Even though I am 32 years old, out of respect for my 'rents, I would most certainly not "come out" regarding Our BDSM relationship. However, they've seen her collar and the way she has suddenly started dressing for me, and I am certain that they are not ignorant to the subject. But, while I'm certain that they know "what we're up to", they also see that we're living well and love each other very much (in fact, I think they might be envious of Us (they're recently divorced)).


I guess I should get to the point here and summarize what I think about the subject!

But I need to know more about you before I can advise you. How long have you been dating? How long have you been into BDSM? How long has he been into BDSM? How soon do you intend to be out from underneath the control of your 'rents? What are your future plans for your own life and how much do your future plans involve your Dom?

[mysc]

One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced.

Huh? I don't want to be rude but this statement is a bit too much for me. A Dom(me) is only human too with his/her insecurities. Parents in law are a big thing, and whether your a Dom or not, it's never easy to meet them, especially when they are known to be difficult about a relationship. I would rather see my Dom's insecurities than him owning/claiming every situation. Better yet the ones I did go out with (including my ex husband) who were "in control" were selfcentric bastards and didn't give a sh*t about the world. No I would rather have a Dom that has his insecurities, that makes him human to me. Domming the world and Domming me is a total different thing.

[Mr.FixIt]

Huh? I don't want to be rude but this statement is a bit too much for me. A Dom(me) is only human too with his/her insecurities. Parents in law are a big thing, and whether your a Dom or not, it's never easy to meet them, especially when they are known to be difficult about a relationship. I would rather see my Dom's insecurities than him owning/claiming every situation. Better yet the ones I did go out with (including my ex husband) who were "in control" were selfcentric bastards and didn't give a sh*t about the world. No I would rather have a Dom that has his insecurities, that makes him human to me. Domming the world and Domming me is a total different thing.

I am just plain dying to defend myself here, but my defense will most certainly distract the focus from the original post. Therefore, please refer to the new thread "Dominance in Life vs. Dominance in Relationships" for my response.

However, HisandHisOnly, I agree woth Mastersgem and Stripey on all levels of their advice to you. Give it time, and you and your boyfriend might do well together, if you make the right decisions. Just take your time. I still call myself "fairly new" to the scene, but I have been in to it for a couple of years--not a couple of months. 'Nuff said!

[stripedangel]

"One thing does strkes me oddly, though. How can your man be your Dom, yet he is uneasy around your parents? A person who claims to be a Dom/Domme should not feel uneasy or uncertain in any situation. It sounds as though you're both very young and inexperienced. I don't mean to sound condescending. I also was very young once and had little experience (in fact, at your age, I knew nothing about BDSM). I am not suggesting that your Dom should stand up and proclaim his status to your 'rents, but he should at least do his best to ensure that he is not complicating your life while you are under their control."

When you keep it all in context, it's easier to understand what Mr.FixIt is saying here. He's not expecting a Dom/me to be nonhuman...he's saying that this one sounds like he's not mature as a Dom. He has to be a MAN first, and that means doing things that he may not like to do...such as not hiding himself from her parents. Hiding himself (staying out of their way) is not going to help HisandHisOnly's parents trust either of them. If some guy came by and picked up my daughter without saying "hello," i would have to wonder why...and what they're up to. This complicates her situation because the less her parents trust her, the more confrontational they will become, asking more questions and showing more disapproval. Some of our insecurities have to be dealt with, no matter who we are.


HisandHisOnly,

ALL parents are scary. Master and i scare every child that comes around. We're probably just as strict as your parents. From one strict parent to one child of strict parents, i am here to tell you that this way is dishonest. Period. When your parents see you being dishonest in this way, they wonder what else you're being dishonest about. Then you feel the need to stretch the truth. The situation is then perpetuated. That's no way to start out in any relationship.

A boyfriend is already distrusted before the parents even meet him. He has to earn their trust (here's a good one for the trust thread lol), and that's a daunting task!

Maybe it's not right, but that's simply the way it is. You raise a beautiful daughter, teach her, mold her, help her be a lady, teach her about woman things, doctor her owies and support her in all she does, and then she (how dare her!) starts seeing boys. Doesn't matter what boy, he's not ever good enough for your baby girl. Never will be. We want you to grow up, get a great job, get married and have us grandbabies (in THAT order), but that guy will not make the grade...not even after 10 years of marriage! However, he'll be closer than he is now...unless you're dishonest.

I hated being the one who heard the parents: "That boy is only after one thing. He's using you...etc"

I also had the pleasure of hearing him griping about my parents all the time...it became the main topic of nearly every conversation that he and i had.

So, then i was the the one in the middle, and every moment of my day was spent with this issue on my mind.

i think you should get this all out on the table, if you're planning any type of long-term relationship. I'm not saying to spill everything, but you need to talk it out with all involved. Find out what might help your parents loosen up...ask them what you can do to help them feel more comfortable with your boyfriend...and ask what he can do as well. Not that you have to do what they say, but you could try and compromise a bit with them about it. Don't expect much, but it shows that you're trying.

If you let it all just keep going as it stands, the situation will deteriorate. It will drive a wedge between you and your parents, as well as you and your boyfriend.

Good luck!

-stripey

[stripedangel]

I hated being the one who heard the parents: "That boy is only after one thing. He's using you...etc"

I also had the pleasure of hearing him griping about my parents all the time...it became the main topic of nearly every conversation that he and i had.

So, then i was the the one in the middle, and every moment of my day was spent with this issue on my mind.

Ahem...just to let you know...this one was an ex husband, not Mr.FixIt...and my parents were right!