I had (yes, had) a husband who was aware of my desires and thought I was some kind of freak for it as well. I agree about not going outside the marriage but I also knew I didn't want to live without it. (There was much more wrong with my marriage than BDSM fyi lol but it truly was a catalyst for me to move on).

On the hiding part....Why is it hiding not to publicize your sexual desires?

I truly don't understand everyone's need to put it in peoples faces? I don't want to know my friends / family's sexual desires in detail no more than I'm sure they want to know mine and certainly the lady at the check out Doesn't want to know lol

The only person you need to be true to is yourself. Of course it would be wonderful to have your spouse share that part of you too - maybe you can find a workable compromise that will help alieviate some of your needs.

Good luck