My first marriage was strictly vanilla. I kept my needs a secret from him because I knew that he wouldn't accept me as a kinky person. He wouldn't even accept my Paganism or my coworkers or the fact that I wanted to go back to school, etc. Looking back on it now, I'm glad that I didn't press the issue of making our marriage into a BDSM one, because he became abusive towards me. When I finally left the marriage I was literally running for my life because he had tried to murder me. If I had handed power over to him to have him become my Dom I would probably be six feet under right now.

The main person who knows now that I am kinky is my Master, of course. Though I do have a couple of friends who know, though they don't know the details of O/our relationship. My best friend finally knows (we've been friends for over 25 years now), because she has recently started on her journey into BDSM and I "confessed" to her that I was a submissive. I knew deep down that she would accept this, because she is that kind of friend. I just never told her before because my lifestyle has always been kept private.

I am not an open book to a lot of people. I prefer to keep my lifestyle private. I live smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt and I certainly don't go around advertising the fact that I am a Pagan, so I certainly don't advertise that I am a sexual submissive and sexual masochist. I do wear my collar 24/7, but for people who see it, it looks like a silver choker and when strangers comment on it, I certainly don't say, "Well, I enjoy being blindfolded and bound to the bed and whipped into a sexual frenzy, while my Master calls me a His dirty little slut." That would be too much information, dontcha think?! But for those in the know, they can recognize the collar when they see it. And I'm sure strangers have seen Master using my hair as a leash as W/we walk through the mall.

Like gem said, the only person you need to be true to is yourself. Keep posting here, Cicily, and asking questions and learning about the lifestyle and yourself. Maybe W/we could help you come up with ways to bring your husband more into agreement with what you want and need.