A D/s relationship is not all about the kinky sex either, it's a bond or a connection that's shared between two (or more) people. Once you start to open up your submissive side, it begins to change your whole perspective on other things in your own life.

This subject comes up quite a bit, and I prefer to stay away from speaking my piece, since I find the whole topic ends up becoming a bit contemptuous.

I am not saying Cicily, that your post is wrong, it is a very good question to ask. Yes we all deserve to have someone to share this life with, and sometimes we don't always get what we want.

I am not speaking for every person in a vanilla relationship here, I am only speaking for myself and what I observe.

Relationships and personal situations differ with everyone. What works for you may not necessarily work for me. Some people have long term relationships, complete with children and other responsibilities, it is not always so cut and dry to just leave because you now feel differently.

I don't think anyone who is in a vanilla relationship who has come to discover D/s and BDSM has intended to be deceitful to thier significant others.
We have come here with our eyes and our minds wide open.
We have discovered a part of ourselves and while we have tried to share, it may not always be welcome with open arms.

Submission goes far deeper than just kinky sex, and I have found that I would prefer to explore it rather than supress it.

I may be somewhat of an anomoly though, I do have a vanilla relationship, however I share a D/s one online as well. My boyfriend is aware of where I am, who I am with and what I like. I will say though that he is not entirely aware of how in depth I am in sharing a D/s relationship with someone else, but I am pretty sure he is aware, he is not stupid, nor am I. We will deal with that in due time.

He does not like BDSM and as long as I don't shove anything down his throat he is fine with it.
The grass may not be relatively greener on the other side, so I am not too hasty to make decisions that I or anyone else involved may regret.
I am slowly working on understanding myself and learning more of what I want and what I want to do.

Hope this answers your questions a bit.