Guys:
Is it a paradox, or does it just seem like one that in order for a submissive to get some satisfaction s/he has to insist on putting her own needs first in order to get to a place where s/he can put someone else first?
I feel where you are at Cicily, and at times the leap of faith in yourself (when you leave) seems like blind faith, but: keep swimming.
As usual, gem is right. I also think that integrity within yourself is a hard enough goal. Never mind trying to let the people in your neighborhood into your secret too soon.
cheers