Experienced or Not??

[gemmy]

gem, *he says from under the table...anticipating a vigorous response*

What I am talking about is beginning a relationship between two relatively inexperienced people. It is not about leading or teaching your Dom/me. imho it seems like many subs are looking for the perfect Dom/me, pre-packaged and ready to go. If the two of you are inexperienced what makes you think you know more than your Dom/me partner? What makes you think you can, or should, lead. Even if you find an experienced top, there are still things you two will have to discover about each other.

If you connect with an inexperienced partner who is looking to explore a bdsm relationship, you aren't going to need to "teach" or "lead" them anywhere. They are going to study and learn their reponsibilities as you will learn yours, and the two of you will grow together.

One thing that I see in some of the responses here is that some folks are equating learning along side a new but definitely dominant partner with teaching someone who barely knows what kink is, totally from scratch, and on top of that teaching them how to top. These are entirely different scenarios.

I want to address your three concerns:


What makes you think a new Master won't go out and learn them and show them to you? It would definitely happen that way with me.


Why wouldn't you trust a Master who is gaining knowledge when you know where and from whom it is learned? If we were our hypothetical new couple, I would seek out an experienced Dom/me (with a sub) to help us along. (What if all the Dom/mes you approached said I don't want you, too inexperienced?)


What makes you think your new Dom/me will let you? Again, if you were with me you could maybe make suggestions, but there's no way you would lead me. The final decision would be mine and mine alone.

It seems as if you have a preconcieved notion of life with Master. Dreams are nice. Plans are too. But if you find a person you can get along with and want to grow with, you gotta discover a lot of the rules as you go.

I hope you see this for what it is, (part of a spirited discussion) and what it is not (an attack on anyone). It's just that it has woken up my dominant side a bit. I'm relatively inexperienced. But because I am, don't think I would look to learn it all from a sub. I would go where the knowledge I seek is, with the Dom/mes.

*crawls out from under table and picks up a paddle...smiles and says...any questions *

well first; You have presented yourself in these scenario's as more than inexperienced but already have gained a handle and some knowledge so therefore it wouldn't apply would it? You haven't come across as a complete inexperienced newbie, at least in my opinion. (added)

second, i'm a fairly strong willed person and Top easily without even realizing it, if a man lets me lead, i will and will resent him entirely for it. That's what i meant by inexperienced ones don't get how to take a will such as mine, look past it and pull the submissive to the surface instead - that takes experience and knowing

young, new, inexperienced doms just taking their first steps (at least in MY experience - i'm not making a generality so y'all can back off from flaming this statement please) - they come at you all POWERFUL, you will!!! and all kinky sex, you must submit! - they are new and don't understand what to do with this need to Dominate. More experienced (both mentally and physically) Masters have sorted themselves out, calmed down, made realizations to their own personal desires in a sub and so on. They no longer require to Prove their Dominance, they just are because they have learned.

You have put yourself in my example as a personal reference; i wasn't directing myself or my post at you personally or who you are or your experience or lack there of at all.

I do understand about learning about each other and no two are the same, obviously there are things to learn on both sides, yes and how that learning happens is a direct relation to what experience he or she has no?