victims of abuse support for submissives

[crazy_grrluk]

I do think the mental abuse is harder for me... physically the bruises go away and you forget; it's what has been said that doesn't go away.

mental abuse is the worst. it never leaves you... un like the physical abuse like where u say the bruises and other stuff will disappear. mental abuse stays with you for life. one learns to live with it... and then something will trigger the memories off.. it could be an action or the way something was said.. then you regress back into your own little world.

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by crazy_grrluk:
mental abuse stays with you for life. one learns to live with it... and then something will trigger the memories off.. it could be an action or the way something was said.. then you regress back into your own little world

I agree with you that it never leaves. It really just goes to sleep and can come back with the right trigger. How bad that flashback is depends on how well you dealt with it in the past. If you don't deal with it, it will deal with you.

One other thing. I think one thing that makes mental worse than physical abuse, is that even we who have gone through it tend to minimize it. Even we tend to think someone getting beat up is worse, and we should just be thankful we didn't experience that.

When it is pushed down and made out to be not such a big deal we can set ourselves up for a big fall.

[stripedangel]

yeah, it never goes away, no matter how you try and shake it out of your head. i really did begin to believe the things that were said to me...and we do tend to try and ignore the fact that it is really abuse. Those of us who go through it always think that the physical abuse is much worse, but i know that my ex husband's physical abuse is much less of a stinging memory than my ex boyfriend's emotional abuse. the emotional is still with me. the physical can be placed in the past, for the most part. i remember every scathing word, and it rolls through my mind all on it's own. i have no control over my thoughts in this respect, it just creeps in and snatches me and i go down into myself and feel very afraid to come out, barely able to hear Master when he pays me a complement...and for the longest time i simply didn't believe it. Not that i thought he was lying, but like he had a good imagination. i remember one time when he told me that i was pretty, i said, "Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"

Sorry to go off like that...


it hurts for years and it hurts my Master to see me go through it and to go through it with me.

xxx

[Trina]

Quote, Stripedangel: "i remember every scathing word, and it rolls through my mind all on it's own. i have no control over my thoughts in this respect, it just creeps in and snatches me."

Yes, my ex of seven years... I can just hear him telling me I wasn't good enough for him even though he loved me. Do they take some kind of training to be cruel?

[Kuskovian]

As a dominate with a survivor of abuse in my care, I have found some ways work better than others, especially conserning BDS&M type activities.

I strongly reccomend you consult a professional therapist/nurse, and or Doctor for help.

I have found in helping Seri overcome/deal with some of her triggers that patience and understanding are "key".
First and foremost: I allways let her bring to the table any issue she wishs to have help with, as well as aide in planning the best theraputic solution senerio. This is nessesary for several reasons, she cannot be expected to have success unless she feels "ready" to deal with a paticular thing. In addition to which, letting her choose, helps reestablish self confidence and esteem allowing her to be in "control" of herself.

Sometimes the best thing is to just listen and not try to "fix" anything (which goes against my nature)and is often the hardest part of this for dominates.

Just being there to hold her when she needs it is one of the things she says have helped her the most.
She has often told me that her triggers haven't diminished; so much as the way she chooses to respond to them has changed over time.

I strongly recommend a "light" hand with any survivor when it comes to limit testing and "tasks" designed to help in dealing with a given trigger, as these emotive responses they experience are very very "real" for them.

For instance: as Seri has previously stated in this thread, it took six months of effort before she could leave the house by herself for a walk around the block in our neighborhood. A walk she took knowing I would be watching her from a distance, but a walk she had to physically take by herself. Baby steps, as well as, slow and steady support were the critical factors.

How you react to your submissive's needs is of paramont importance.

One of the worst things a dominate could do is take offence, find fault, critisize or punish in anyway thier submissive when she has bualked or didn't successfully complete an assigned task conserning her "triggers" or any other abuse related issue that is being dealt with.

Remember it took great courage for her to even bring the idea of "helping' her in the first place, respect that fact, don't demean her just when you are trying to help her. It was a success regardless of outcome, just for her to even try.

Be prepared for her to become very unsettled in her demeanor, especially when in the proccess of coping with certian things. She may lash out at you in an inapropriate manner, not because she wants too, so much as has too.

Physical, mental, spiritual, all aspects of one's being are affected by abuse. It doesn't matter what kind of abuse one has endured.

If anyone needs help conserning these matters feel free to contact us.

[stripedangel]

no, trina, something tells me that they are just naturals....and i often wonder if they're not victims themselves.

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by stripedangel:
and i often wonder if they're not victims themselves

That is often true, or they are extremely insecure and try to cover it up at another's expense.

Still, an abused person MUST remember, this does not excuse an abusers behavior. It is still reprehensible and should be condemned. There is a danger in making allowances for any abusive behavior, we will often turn the blame back on ourselves. It is not our fault, and never was. Anything you do or say is not worthy of a lifetime of beatings or emotional assault.

Look how many people there are in this world who were abused and did not become abusive themselves. There is no excuse.

Originally posted by Kuskovian:
patience and understanding are "key"

There is so much here that I wish I said but didn't know how to put it into words. Thanks for saying it.

What you said about therapy is also important.

If anyone reading this has been abused and needs help and has had a hard time finding a therapist to take your lifestyle seriously go online and google "bdsm friendly therapist" you will get a listing of therapists sympathetic to kink. Or try this link: http://www.polychromatic.com/pfp/psych.html

[stripedangel]

thanks for that, wow, i wish i lived in Austin!!

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Trina:
i remember every scathing word, and it rolls through my mind all on it's own. i have no control over my thoughts in this respect, it just creeps in and snatches me.

As you go on you will be able to deal with it better. Time doesn't heal all, but it will give you space to do it. Everyday that goes buy is one more day you survive what happened to you.

It took me years to come to terms with what happened to me, but I did. Talking about it with folks who understand will help alot.

Just remember don't blame yourself. It's not your fault you were abused.

Originally posted by stripedangel:
i wish i lived in Austin

huh???

[stripedangel]

LOL i looked at your list, Austin and Houston are the locations that have those therapists, sorry...did't mean to derail the thread...

[gemmy]

Hi Mastersgem, I have been seeing a therapist for sometime now but I do think the cycle continues and is very hard to break. The ramifications for me are definitly low self-image, esteem and worth. I laughed when my therapist asked me to bring my father for a group session. I am one of five siblings all of whom have been stilited as adults; it doesn't take a genius to figure something must have gone wrong with the way we were raised. My father was an expert on mental and never physical.
I do think the mental abuse is harder for me... physically the bruises go away and you forget; it's what has been said that doesn't go away.

Thanks for your comments and I've been working toward getting whole.

"See? You're an intelligent girl, you can see the problems plaguing you, do you really think you need help?"

The one time I did seek help, that is what I was asked by the 'professional' psychiatrist.

I, (then (25), just lost my baby son and had been beaten by his father blaming me of the loss), said "Yes, I do"

He never took me seriously so thus, I took a maybe longer road of trying to work it out on my own - truly nothing really 'set' in me of my worth until having my daughter

I've learned over much time, that some things (and the professionals will all tell you), just need to be hard felt and learned to get.

Breaking 'The Chain' is a lot of work but so highly worth it.

I currently 'shelter' a young friend (day or night on Any notice) should she need a safe place to be and have had to - that's all part of it too

[gemmy]

As a dominate with a survivor of abuse in my care, I have found some ways work better than others, especially conserning BDS&M type activities.

I strongly reccomend you consult a professional therapist/nurse, and or Doctor for help.

I have found in helping Seri overcome/deal with some of her triggers that patience and understanding are "key".
First and foremost: I allways let her bring to the table any issue she wishs to have help with, as well as aide in planning the best theraputic solution senerio. This is nessesary for several reasons, she cannot be expected to have success unless she feels "ready" to deal with a paticular thing. In addition to which, letting her choose, helps reestablish self confidence and esteem allowing her to be in "control" of herself.

Sometimes the best thing is to just listen and not try to "fix" anything (which goes against my nature)and is often the hardest part of this for dominates.

Just being there to hold her when she needs it is one of the things she says have helped her the most.
She has often told me that her triggers haven't diminished; so much as the way she chooses to respond to them has changed over time.

I strongly recommend a "light" hand with any survivor when it comes to limit testing and "tasks" designed to help in dealing with a given trigger, as these emotive responses they experience are very very "real" for them.

For instance: as Seri has previously stated in this thread, it took six months of effort before she could leave the house by herself for a walk around the block in our neighborhood. A walk she took knowing I would be watching her from a distance, but a walk she had to physically take by herself. Baby steps, as well as, slow and steady support were the critical factors.

How you react to your submissive's needs is of paramont importance.

One of the worst things a dominate could do is take offence, find fault, critisize or punish in anyway thier submissive when she has bualked or didn't successfully complete an assigned task conserning her "triggers" or any other abuse related issue that is being dealt with.

Remember it took great courage for her to even bring the idea of "helping' her in the first place, respect that fact, don't demean her just when you are trying to help her. It was a success regardless of outcome, just for her to even try.

Be prepared for her to become very unsettled in her demeanor, especially when in the proccess of coping with certian things. She may lash out at you in an inapropriate manner, not because she wants too, so much as has too.

Physical, mental, spiritual, all aspects of one's being are affected by abuse. It doesn't matter what kind of abuse one has endured.

If anyone needs help conserning these matters feel free to contact us.

really, that is amazing, thank you so much for posting it

[gemmy]

Yes, my ex of seven years... I can just hear him telling me I wasn't good enough for him even though he loved me. Do they take some kind of training to be cruel?

No, they see the 'victim' stamp

remove it *s*

There is 'healthy' and unhealthy submission, for me, I truly was a victim; ashamed completely of this 'thing' i felt. People will use it as long as you 'let' them.

Embracing your submission will help you find 'healthy' submission; ignoring it only helps you dig a very bad deep ditch of attracting bad people who only choose to use it against you.

[stripedangel]

Just a note:

i was once asked the following question...

"Do you want to be a professional victim?"

Just think about it for a while.......it did something for me, i think, but i know it pops into my mind when i'm feeling a bit self-critical...

xxx

[Mr.FixIt]

Sometimes the best thing is to just listen and not try to "fix" anything (which goes against my nature)and is often the hardest part of this for dominates.

I concur entirely!

I strongly recommend a "light" hand with any survivor when it comes to limit testing and "tasks" designed to help in dealing with a given trigger, as these emotive responses they experience are very very "real" for them.

My slave, stripey, has suffered both physical and verbal/mental abuse (I would not discuss this, except that she has already shared this much here with all of you and I commend her for that). However, we ENJOY a "heavy" hand in play and in discipline. But, for her, her past mental abuse has been the prevalent matter. It has taken years to get her to realize how beautiful, wonderful, caring, loving and intelligent she is. I could never utilize humiliation techniques with her. For her, such BDSM tactics would be demonstrative and demolishing of what I have tried to help her recognize.

Please understand that I am not trying to compare physical abuse vs. verbal/mental abuse vs. sexual abuse. I myself used to be a victim of both verbal/mental and sexual abuse. I have no personal experience with physical abuse other than what I know of stripey's past--secondhand; therefore, I do not feel that I would be qualified to make such a comparison, nor do I see the need for such a comparison. But, for stripey, I do know that the verbal/mental abuse has been the lingering issue.

How you react to your submissive's needs is of paramont importance.

ABSOLUTELY.

[Mr.FixIt]

1. They had separate men's and women's private forums. Men who have been abused generally don't want to talk about their experiences publicly, and i have noticed that with the exception of ashton (thanks btw hun for sharing), there are no men doing so here...though i understand that this thread is still very new.

I MUST respond to this! Not because I see this as a challenge, because at this point in my life talking about such personal things (especially in this setting) is no longer terribly difficult for me. So here is my story.

I am the eldest child of a total of four siblings of an old school Church of Christ preacher--who was not a very good preacher. We would move to a small town in the mid-west where he landed a preaching job at a congregation with 50 members. He would judge and tell them they were all going to hell, and six months later (when the housing lease was up) we would move again--to another small town preaching job, and the cycle continued for years; therefore I am quite well adapted to being the new guy in town!

My father's judgement didn't stop at the pulpit though! He preached to me at home too. He told me over and over that I was a loser, I would never go anywhere in life, that I would never amount to anything, and I believed it...then (BTW...I have earned a better, more respectable salary than him since I was 16 years old). I fought with my father, a lot, and it was ugly. I used to put my head through the drywall in my room in retalliation until I hit a framing stud once and knocked myself out! He never hit me though. He tried once. He raised his fist and swung towards me, and I caught his hand and said, "don't ever try that again, Jerry." I used his first name a lot, that seemed to infuriate him effectively. (I'm sure that you have heard that preacher's kids are the worst!) My mother always supported the family--she worked full-time and went to college to earn her nursing degree. She was the dominant one and he hated that! He really hated that. My mother would act as the referee between us and she always got the losing end of the stick, but I was glad that someone was trying to stand up for me. Once after a really heated argument between my father and my teen-aged self (you know--the whole "your worthless thing"), my mother took me out for a drive. I thought it was cool that she was taking me out for a drive and having a conversation with me as if I was a grown adult, but didn't realize I was too young to have such a conversation------this isn't going where you think, you bunch of Freudians! lol. She told me that she wanted to take all of us kids (me and my younger sisters and brother) and leave my father. I explained that it was only me and my father that couldn't get along (I felt that it was all my fault--because he repeatedly told me so). I convinced my mother that I would move out of the house at the age of 17, and everything would be OK for my brother and sisters. In hindsight, I realize now that everything was NOT OK for my brother and sisters, and I had created a weakness for my mother in her moment of strength and resolve. I then avoided him for the next year--I rarely came home--I mostly lived at my friend's house, and I allowed myself to feel responsible for the whole family problem.

I was entirely self-concious, and I had zero self-esteem. My friend's stepfather who was clearly homosexual (in a small rural Texas town) said things that made me feel better about myself. Mind you, my self-esteem was so bad that I didn't even look people in the eye at school. I used to count the tiles in the floor between classes. I was not homosexual, and I DO NOT judge those who might be. But, he made me feel good about myself. One day I went by my friend's house, as I always did, and no one was home but his stepfather. He told me that I was a pretty-boy, and that someday all of the girls would want to get to know me. I don't quite remember how we ended up in his bed, but he sucked my cock. He was the first that I had ever been with sexually--male or female. He told me things like "you CAN move you know." I enjoyed it, and I was disgusted at the same time--it felt wrong--and good--and wrong. Someone was paying attention to me though, as no one ever had.

There's more: I remember when I was VERY young, but obviously still old enough to remember (which is what disturbs me most of all) showering with my father and asking him why his "privates" were so much larger than mine. Typing this, I am now recalling his answer that I will not share and is more disturbing to me.

There's more: from about the age of 5, for reasons that I CANNOT understand or recall, I began............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...........I CANNOT tell the rest, here, or anywhere. There is no good way of explaining it that will help you to understand that I was the victim and the victimizer. I typed it all out once, stripey came in and read it, and correctly said that is was too much. She is the only one that I have told ALL to.

But now: I know who I am. I have worked all of my teen-aged and adult life to prove (to myself and for others' approval) that I am worthy, worthwile, and honorable. There were times in my life that I didn't feel like living. But when I met stripey, I knew she needed me and that I was, indeed, worthy, worthwhile, and could be honorable. (My father still, still, still, does not approve of my life, my decisions, or my stripey, but FUCK him and his little opinions).

My point to this all is: I now understand better who I am, because of where I have been. I am stronger now, for what I have been through. Oh sure, I still seek approval, especialy from stripey even though I am her Master! But our past experiences have made us perfect for suporting each other. And men, even dominant men, can share (most of) their abused experiences!

Thank you stripey, for honoring me by giving yourself to me entirely. I love you peaches! I have made a lot of mistakes, but as long as you will tolerate it, I will be here for you. As our boy once said, "Daddy can fix anything!"

[denuseri]

That was a very brave thing to do Mr Fix It, and proves that there are allways exceptions to the rule when it comes to stereotyping the abused and what forms abuses take.

We are here for you just as much as for anyone else.

It is not what happened to "us" that defines "us", it is how we meet each dawn despite it that matters most.





and in response to your response above this post very full of courage i would like to say i think what my owner is speaking of as "light" being while we are working on something that is tramatically difficult for me, one of my responses to a "trigger" like my episode with agoraphobia,

in areas where "things have been worked out we have and also do enjoy "rough" play as it were, sometimes even what others consider "hard ball" there is even some broken pvc pipe in the back yard to prove it

winks but hey we are goreans after all lol

[stripedangel]

Oh, Master, i love you so very much! Hugs! i am so proud of you for opening up. You did well, Sir.

Precious Master!

i know what it took for you to say these things, and i know you are a true survivor. You have honored me since the day we met, Sir, and it has grown immensely...along with our trust and love-and our marriage. What a blessing you have been to me and the kiddo. i am in awe of your strength and resolve. i see you growing in your Domhood (is that a word? is now!), maturing every day.

You are so beautiful, Master!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Rowen]

Mr. Fixit, my respect for sharing, will send you a PM..Stripey, will PM you too...but really want to express my admiration to the both of you in public.....your caring and love for eachother is awesome - you have been through the "for worse" part and I do wish you both the "for better" parts!!

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by Mr. FixIt:
It has taken years to get her to realize how beautiful, wonderful, caring, loving and intelligent she is. I could never utilize humiliation techniques with her. For her, such BDSM tactics would be demonstrative and demolishing of what I have tried to help her recognize.

Everyone has limits and those need to be respected. Some of us have more limits, some have different ones than others. It takes a good, person to see where things should not go. I have heard of some Dom/mes who treat hard limits as challenges, or personal mountains to conquer. You are right, it would be bad to push in that direction. stripey is one lucky woman to have you FixIt.

I can't say too much about you and your dad, it hits way too close to home for me. Unfortunately, it's still an open wound. Still, thanks for sharing.

[stripedangel]

That reminds me of a toast i once heard

May the best of your past be the worst of your future! Cheers!

i love saying it!

[stripedangel]

Everyone has limits and those need to be respected. Some of us have more limits, some have different ones than others. It takes a good, person to see where things should not go. I have heard of some Dom/mes who treat hard limits as challenges, or personal mountains to conquer. You are right, it would be bad to push in that direction. stripey is one lucky woman to have you FixIt.

I can't say too much about you and your dad, it hits way too close to home for me. Unfortunately, it's still an open wound. Still, thanks for sharing.

aww ashton, how sweet of you to say, and i am very blessed. Master has made that choice all on his own, i did not post it as a hard limit. That is his hard limit...but one that i will not argue, as i do believe it would undo some of the work that Master has done.

Master's father has abused all of us, in various ways, who have been involved with him. He looks upon everyone with contempt and pity, like he feels that he has not prayed for them enough, no matter what they do. Nothing is good enough. i am a jezebelle. My son is a poor pitiful product of heathens. Master is never to be believed...Good ole dad has, time after time, questioned the validity of Master's claim that he ran a faster mile than his father. i was standing there when Master ran that race and i saw the time and told the man and he still sat there with that shitty little grin on his face, shaking his head at the two of us, with disbelief and contempt in his eyes. i could tell he was not accepting this very minute occurrance.

It's not like Master said , "i'm a better dad than you."
................................which is also very accurate.

The man even stated that a congregation member needed to be punished for her outspokenness.

Makes me even more proud of what i've seen Master grow into......

[newslave]

As I read through pages and pages of stories and support, I wonder why this happens...why we have to support one another. What makes people like this...people who do nothing but hurt other people, try to destroy them...

I begin to think - what can change this? What can we do to prevent other women and men from going through the things that we have and struggling to survive and be healthy? Where is the fault in the cultures, in the world? Perhaps this belongs in another thread, but my survival has revolved around taking control in other avenues of my life and trying to change what's around me.

What can change this? Is there even a way?

Love to all who are here, and thank you all for sharing...

[Mr.FixIt]

As I read through pages and pages of stories and support, I wonder why this happens...why we have to support one another. What makes people like this...people who do nothing but hurt other people, try to destroy them...

I begin to think - what can change this? What can we do to prevent other women and men from going through the things that we have and struggling to survive and be healthy? Where is the fault in the cultures, in the world? Perhaps this belongs in another thread, but my survival has revolved around taking control in other avenues of my life and trying to change what's around me.

What can change this? Is there even a way?

Love to all who are here, and thank you all for sharing...

Dog shit smells like dog shit.

If you accept that most people are dogshit and stop expecting more than that of them, you will be pleasantly surprised when dog shit smells slightly like roses--and dog shit. Is that too synical? I don't think so.

[stripedangel]

By standing together, we are powerful. We were all alone in our own nightmares but now we're not alone.

The abusers will keep on keepin on, but we are there to make sure that at least some don't leave behind a victim...because since there are so many abusers out there, we all need to be able to inspire and show others that they can survive and help give them the will to make it. They need someone to show them how to be a survivor and they need to be able to cry to someone or a group of someones. See, we carry a torch that must be passed on.

You never know what impression you will have on another's life. i would rather look at it realistically, aware of the fact that this sort of thing will happen no matter how i wish it not to. Therefore, i must open up and bleed some. OK, i can do that if i can take Master's stripes. i hope i leave a helpful impression on anyone that i encounter, always.

xxx

[newslave]

Dog shit smells like dog shit.

If you accept that most people are dogshit and stop expecting more than that of them, you will be pleasantly surprised when dog shit smells slightly like roses--and dog shit. Is that too synical? I don't think so.

Interesting theory....though I must admit I haven't quite reached that amount of cynicism in my life, despite the people I've met. It is the Midwest in me, perhaps, but I like to think that people are capable of all kinds of wonderful things. Including....making things like this change....

[ashtonDs]

Originally posted by stripedangel:
He looks upon everyone with contempt and pity, like he feels that he has not prayed for them enough, no matter what they do. Nothing is good enough

He sounds like an extremely insecure person. It's sad in a way. but if he was less obnoxious his family might want to help him. As it is his actions keep everyone at arms length, which he may be doing on purpose (and maybe unconsciously) to somehow protect himself from whatever it is he is afraid of.

Originally posted by newslave:
I begin to think - what can change this? What can we do to prevent other women and men from going through the things that we have and struggling to survive and be healthy? Where is the fault in the cultures, in the world? Perhaps this belongs in another thread, but my survival has revolved around taking control in other avenues of my life and trying to change what's around me.

What can change this? Is there even a way?

One of us alone can do little. Together we become stronger. We cannot change the world ourselves and probably will not see resolution in our lifetime, but that does not mean that we can abandon the cause.

Some of us here take time out of our day to let folks who are hurting know that they do not have to continue being a victim. Sometimes it seems strange to find, on a website devoted to an alternative lifestyle that this thread is here. On the other hand, all of us here are just ordinary people, and some of us have been abused. We are trying to take control in a little part of this big world where we have some influence and use that for good.

I think we are trying to do it the only way we know how, one person at a time.

[stripedangel]

Master's father is a whole other issue, and i don't know where it stems from. The man is narsocistic, or however you spell it. He honestly believes that he is correct in all he does. God is even backing his every play...His way is the only way and no one is on a tall enough pedistal to match his. He's not lying when he says the awful things he says, he honestly believes it. All of it. He does't say things that he doesn't mean. He never says anything without having given it a huge amount of ponderance and consideration....not even out of anger.

He never had time for making sure that the kids brushed their teeth or turned in their homework. He never could be bothered with making sure the kids were disciplined, unless one of them said or did something in public that embarrassed him. He fought his own divorce with the sixth amendment argument...divorce would keep him from practicing his freedom of religion, since the Bible doesn't condone divorce for any other reason than adultery. When the judge laughed at that one, his next move was to call me (since i must have been the one to influence his wife into the divorce in the first place...you know, she's a woman...forget the fact that she was in her 50s and had been a nurse half her life...she could not have come up with that idea on her own, had to be the family jezebelle). When i answered the phone, he proceeded to try and blackmail me about everything that had happened with Master when he was little...talking about how he would bring it up in court. The judge would hear it and split us all up. He would have hated to see that happen, he'd stated, but his marriage (his wife/property) was being taken from him and he had to fight for it. i told him, "This all is now over." and hung up.

One person at a time, and one day-hour-minute-second-breath. Some days it's breath by breath for me...All we can do is be of support. We can't take the pain away, but if we face it, and deal with it and we have others around who will face it with us, then no one has to hurt alone. That's the worst.

i have a vivid memory of suffering alone...the one that i can never get past. The verbal jackass had just finished making me feel like a nothing yet again, flat out told me he had someone ready to suck him off at work, since i was so inept at it. He decided to visit said cocksucker after berating me for about 30 minutes with a lecture of how my fat got in the way of him seeing the pretty me...in great detail. Wonder why i wasn't much for oral??

[LOL i'm the complete opposite now in that respect...i love you, Master!]

The bastard had left and there i sat, tears rolling, sobbing...and here come my son, age 3. He put his hand on my knee and just stood there, stroking my head. After a bit, he asked, "Why you so sad, mommy?"

We all know that a three year old is too young to even begin to understand any answer that i could have given him, and i couldn't think of anything to say that he could have digested, so i just sat there and shook my head. i knew at that moment that even though i had my lil man no matter what...i was alone in this hell, and i had to keep him from being affected. i didn't want him to see me crying over it any more, that was totally wrong to do to a child...making him wonder why i cried so much and all. i had no one else to tell this to, my best friend was the bastard's sister-in-law. She knew that things were bad for me but had no idea what i was told behind closed doors....because the bastard had me convinced that talking bad about someone to their family was lower than low. Worse than a rat or a narc (he'd been in prison, therefore i was trained on how to keep my mouth shut about many things as well).

After he left me for good was when my best friend began to get me to open up and when i did i found out that this was typical of the bastard, and that his reason for going to prison wasn't just for rape, but that he'd been caught peeping in wondows at the local college and that his ex wife divorced him for raping her.

According to him, the prison term of 20 years (out for good behavior after 14) was because he was once caught with his bread truck at home for lunch, which was against company policy and the owner of the bread company was good friends with the sherriff, so they trumped up a bunch of stuff and got him sent to prison. Gawd i feel dumb writing and admitting to falling for this!
But i digress.........

i never ever want anyone to feel that way, like there's no place to go, no one to turn to. No one who can honestly hold their hand and tell them it's ok to say whatever you want, tell it all...and no one can hurt you any more for it.

xxxxx

[Euryleia]

Thanks so much for sharing your story, stripedangel. Good for you for getting out and being willing to take another chance on love and happiness. Your resilience is inspiring.

You bring up a very good point about people feeling that they have no one to turn to. Isolation is a major tool that abusers use to keep their victims from hearing the truth or getting support. They want their voice to be the only one in our heads.

That is why friends are infinitely priceless. A friend reminds you of everything that lies within your heart. They act as a mirror when you lose sight of who you really are or what you truly believe in. They pick you up when you forget that you can do so on your own. They remind you of the true value of your worth.

Whether here on the forums or in the real world, finding and keeping friends can help keep us safe and speed our recovery.

[newslave]

Whether here on the forums or in the real world, finding and keeping friends can help keep us safe and speed our recovery.

I completely agree....Absolutely, although I wonder how to find these people in real life. One of my "friends" is the very reason that I feel the need to be around this thread. Two, in fact. Another one of my friends was texting another person as I told him about my story, and the rest just feel really uncomfortable.

I love all of the people that are here and giving support to me and to all of us, but how do I find a person that I can trust somewhere other than the internet? Most of my friends will never know what I've been through, because I have a hard time trusting people, as I always have. So far, only one of my friendships has grown stronger after the story, mainly because she told me hers and we were drunk and we cried together.

Does this happen to anyone else?
As always, love to all...