Ok, MissElisabeth. Even though I'm an atheist I'm pretty well read on the Bible and Biblical history. You don't seem to be the liberal kind of Christian, (when it comes to Biblical interpretation) so I'll skip the common solutions.

The Bible is pretty clear on that adultery is wrong. It's in the commandments!!! So you can't really play it down or pretend like its all right with God anyway. But then again... the Bible is pretty hazy on what the consequences are. Maybe the gains out-weigh the afterlife price? Who knows. Nobody beside the pope, (if your Catholic) can really say.

I can think of two approaches.

A) Technical Biblical weaselling.

Since this is the line your pastors favour I guess it is the preferred method for your church.

Repenting
There's a useful joke. "I used to ask God for a bicycle, then I realized he doesn't work that way. So I stole one and asked for forgiveness."

Have the hanky panky, but be repentant about it later. It's okay. Even God repents (see the Noah's Ark story). It'll work. You know God will forgive your sins, he does it all the time. And really mean it each time you repent.

Inspiration from Lot
Have your boyfriend, (technical husband) pretend that he's going after a close friend of yours, and have him tell you that the only way to protect her is if you offer yourself to the raging hordes (which is him). God will forgive you. There doesn't seem to be a limit on how often you can do this.

B) Embrace the fact that this isn't a religious thing at all.

Could it be that you love the feeling of denying yourself sexual pleasure? Does it make you...

1) ...even hornier?
2) ...you don't need to take risks?

Just own that feeling. Own your own motivations for this dilemma. Denying yourself pleasure is also masochism. Just because body parts aren't being inserted doesn't mean sex isn't going on. God, (or rather your own projection of an authority figure) is your sexual partner here.

...and just enjoy it. If you have faith in God, as in really believe in him, you really do need to roll with it or be crushed by your own conscience. Don't be your own worst enemy.