Hi Rowen...just a few more things to think about.....

Quote Originally Posted by Rowen View Post
It was ambivalent….one the one hand mother aknowledged that they did hurt me badly and that is was wrong to do so. On the other hand her focusing on her own misery, telling she would give her life to make it right and accepting me not visiting her as her punishment…now that I didn’t like…didn’t like at all…felt like being manipulated all over again.

You are not punishing your mother, by breaking contact. Breaking contact is not punitive, its something for you. Your mother is reaping what she sowed in the past. She planted pain and anger, it now as come to fruition. Do not......do not allow her to make you feel guilty for your feelings.

And if your mother is true to her word....and wants to make it right....woohoo! She should except a relationship with you..........on you terms.......not hers. If you terms are limited to no contact....then she should be happy for you.



Quote Originally Posted by Rowen View Post
Also spoke my brother…now that’s more difficult. He is stll more or less denying, even though 2 years ago for the first time he didn’t deny that something did happen…and I thought, I so whished..I had forgiven him… I will have to prepare that “coming out” because otherwise I will end up feeling guilty again. Also..there are his kids…some of them rather fond of that nice uncle..and he did try to support me during my break up…looks like he is longing to have a brother…so that’s difficult.

OK.........straight up......to damn bad if he suddenly thinks that having a brother is a good idea. He should have though about being so brotherly then.That ship sailed.........long ago. It would be great if he owns up to raping you.......no euphemisms like you played around....or he really didn't mean anything by it..... but owing up to the facts. The brutal truth. Anything less is letting him off the rapist hook.

Please do not allow what happened between you and your brother separate you and you nieces or nephews. Carry on with them....only leave your brother out of the loop. They did nothing wrong and are innocent.


Good luck Rowen
thrall