Quote Originally Posted by Shwenn View Post
Okay, I have another response, then. You don't want to completely control a woman. BDSM doesn't offer that. Submissive women in bdsm are not weak, they are not the sort of people you can completely control. Look around here and watch the submissives. Even the ones who live the complete lifestyle in which their Doms control every aspect, those women retain very strong identities and senses of self.

The sort of desire you speak of manifests in men who seek out thoroughly damaged, codependant women who will lose their sense of self in you. That is the woman you would be looking for if this were true of you. Those are the people you could actually control completely. In fact, you would specifically not want a woman who liked being tormented and humiliated. There would be no point in doing those things to her unless she didn't want them done. Her enjoyment of it would annoy you. It would piss you off. You would want a woman who truly feared you doing all those things to her but fears those things just little less than she fears the possiblity of you leaving her.
This time I think you hit it right on the nail! (isn't that how you say it in English?)

At least it's very reassuring to me to realize that that is definitely NOT the relationship I'd be looking for. The times I've dominated people online I'm pretty much the opposite: I worry very much that my partner is enjoying what I'm making her do, actually to the point where it can be a problem if I don't remind myself that she should actually feel dominated and that probably means having a feeling she's done something just to please me!

Quote Originally Posted by Shwenn View Post
It's like, when a guy wonders if he's gay in some deep, secret place he can't deal with, doesn't that totally convince you he's straight? It's the sort of thing you either know and you're cool with it or you've buried it so deep you can't even consider it.
Great comparison.

Thank you very much for your that post, it's been real helpful!