[QUOTE=denuseri;725735]Goldendawn:

Honest to goodness I havent ever been to or heard of silkandsteel, but other than a brief stint on alt.com a few years ago i had rarely if ever went online up till last october.

It was rather funny when I first got here I didnt know what an "online" gorean even was and i was quite offended when i found out. lol.

When i first came online, more years ago than i care to count (lol), i didn't know what bdsm was ...period. i'd been introduced to it in practice by past boyfriends who didn't bother to share with me their "long term intentions". It wasn't until i was about 25 that i found a name, a label, for what i had become...a submissive. Later still before i found the freedom of a kajira.

i did begin my actual studies online but took it further to real life when online became unfulfilling. There comes a time when you feel like you'll crawl out of your skin if you don't take action.

my first attempt at a real life live in D/s relationship with consent was very loving and satisfying and my heart ached when it ended. The void was back. My second attempt with a Dom, was satisfying until i discovered the lies, He was married. My third attempt as a live in real time kajira, was satisfying and fulfilling emotionally, if not physically, until i discovered my tpe relationship left me $30,000 in debt and i was living in fear of being "sold" to one of His friends. i gave wholly of myself and perfected my being so in depth, i was blind sided by His betrayal.

Experience is the reason i left my lifestyle for many years. To give of yourself so completely with so much trust, as is necessary of a kajira living in today's world, well...the fall was a hard one.

This is the reason i stress being cautious. To be trained as kajira, is to learn to give of yourself freely, without reservation. It does take time before the switch clicks, but once it does, you can never go back. The Gor philosophies, lifestyle if you will, does not differ much from other lifestyle elements of TPE, save for one thing...you. My Gor Master took His time with me, over 2 years. Some predators are patient.

While it is said that this can happen in any relationship, which it can, it is especially "easy" if you will, once a girl clicks to kajira.

i now shy away from being kajira because of it. It doesn't change who i am, and i find myself slipping into the mindset at the oddest times, especially when in the presence of a strong Man or a strong Woman for that matter. It just happens, even though i'm stronger than either....inside.

This life can be beautiful and while i was immersed in my ignorance, i bloomed in my freedom. i became "perfection" if only for a short time. i miss that deeply.

This life can also be devastating to those in the wrong mind set, for those who have emotional problems, for those with self esteem issues, for those who do not love themselves the way no other can love them. i've seen women brought to the brink of suicide and sadly beyond because they could not see that their perfection was inside of them, not outside. They didn't understand the nuances of their femininity. Gor will either free you or destroy you, it's as simple as that, and you find that living in the now or in the books. You find a Gor "Master" who is not true and you walk an edge. You find one who holds Truth, and you will bloom.