Thank you so much Denuseri and Kuskovian. I need to clarify my post. I did have some ugly things in my past that are really not abuse, but that's not what this is about. I only brought up the abuse because I know that other people have sucessfully navigated this world despite what they have been through. In this case it's more about some sad things in my life that seem to have made my partner sad.

I think what I am asking is not so much how does the Dom help his partner with her feelings, as, how does he feel during "play" or when he is dominating in a more forceful way. It seems that something has made my partner feel that he can't see a way into dominating me. As I said, I don't know if he feels that he now doesn't have permission in some cosmic sense (certainly he has permission from me), or if it's just not erotic anymore. Maybe I'm damaged goods? I don't know.