Veronika,

From the few posts you've made here today... I'm willing to bet that you are NOT into the D/s lifestyle. You seem out to criticize more than join in a conversation. Now, I'm going to explain this as best I can. I hope you read it, retain it, and learn something.

ABUSE VICTIMS ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY INTO BDSM!!! NOT ALL PEOPLE IN BDSM LIFESTYLES HAVE BEEN ABUSED!!!
*cough*

Yes, previous childhood traumas can drive people to seek out behaviors that are not healthy for them. Like, drugs, alcohol, and sex. However, some people are able to move past trauma. You are speaking with a very jaded and non informed opinion when you speak about this topic.

I in no way confuse pain with love. They are very different things. I know just about everyone here is able to distinguish the difference as well. Don't begin to assume that people in a D/s lifestyle are ignorant. Statistically people who belong to the BDSM community are of above average intelligence, and generally are middle to upper class when it comes to finances. Feel free to check into that one. Hell if you want some really solid information on childhood trauma vs. BDSM try here... http://www.psychologytoday.com/ I'm a major in psychology, and plan to branch that out into sociology. My point... I study people and groups of people. Thats what I do with my life.

I have no major childhood issues that drive me to live in this lifestyle, I do it because it feels right.

Quote Originally Posted by Veronika View Post
But could it be that because of the abuse you don't know any better and you link abuse and love together and feel "happiness" which is in fact not that. If you have never been in a healthy relationship how would you know what being happy feels like?

This is something I had to admit to myself. It was hard to admit that because of the most important relationships of my life(parents) my emotional life became twisted. I was looking for the abuse over and over again. And turned down everyone who treated me good and right. I felt uncomfortable around people who actually liked me. I thought deep inside that I deserved to be humiliated, lied to, and left alone for a long time.

And because of the "good moments" the abuser shows from time to time that is what makes you want to stick in and make it work! Because you seem to think that if you just please him hard enough he will love you eventually. And you just wait and wait. And get disappointed again.

This is not love. Love is not about humiliation, degradation, hurt, abuse, name-calling, making you walk on egg-shells. No! It's about respect, trust, commitment, joy and harmony. Between one man and one woman.

I think this is why people become masochists. It's something very psychological and it can be dangerous for a fragile person to start messing your mind with this. How is getting the same treatment going to heal you? How is it supposed to get your self-esteem higher? Wouldn't you think it just increases the depression and anger inside of the abused person? Confirms to him/her that this is what he/she deserves.