BDSM and former child abuse victim

[his_girl_l]

I think there is confusion here about cause and effect, especially in veronika's posts.

Sexual abuse histories do seem to be disproportionally present among submissives.

After much thought, about both my experiences and others though, i don't think that submissives are drawn to BDSM because of past abuse.

i think it is far more likely that abusers are drawn to submissives, especially as children, because our inherent need to please can make us very easy to victimise.

[leo9]

Sexual abuse histories do seem to be disproportionally present among submissives.

Actually, people who have done controlled statistical studies have not found this. But one could easily get that impression from fora like this one. I believe that this is a case of reporting bias.

BDSMers as a group are more self-aware and articulate than average (this is borne out by quantitative studies!), and clearly feel safe revealing their feelings in places like this. Therefore, you will find more people reporting a history of abuse than you would in vanilla circles, even if the actual number of abuse survivors is no greater than average.

[moco]

when people tell me that they are submissive BECAUSE of past abuse, I tend not to think that way...

you dont hear Dominants going around saying I am into bdsm because I was abused...

maybe they were already submissive...it was there before the abuse...so then they are really a submissive person who HAPPENED to be abused. just as there are Dominants who HAPPENED to be abused

Lots of people get abused, it happens every day...to submissive and to dominant...

this is just my $ 0.02 on it, and only my opinion....

[leo9]

when people tell me that they are submissive BECAUSE of past abuse, I tend not to think that way...

you dont hear Dominants going around saying I am into bdsm because I was abused...

maybe they were already submissive...it was there before the abuse...so then they are really a submissive person who HAPPENED to be abused. just as there are Dominants who HAPPENED to be abused

Lots of people get abused, it happens every day...to submissive and to dominant...

this is just my $ 0.02 on it, and only my opinion....

Zactly! Like people used to say they were gay because the Vicar groped them when they were ten... till enough people came out who were gay and never been abused in their lives.

Sadly, there are a lot of people with some episode of abuse in their childhood. In my first year in High School I got shoved up against a wall and groped by the school bully, but I know that's not why I'm like this, because I was kinky as a hairpin before I even knew that sex was more than just the way grownups made babies.

[moco]

i dont know why I like bdsm so much, I know it has nothing at all to do with sex, or with my own abuse, although many aspects of bdsm are sexual in nature.
I like the domination...giving ...receiving...for me the d/s relationship requires so much more honesty, trust, respect then I ever received in a regular relationship. that is what I really like about it.