BDSM and former child abuse victim

[E.C. Holland]

Hello everyone,
I have been having a little trepidation in regards to my lifestyle choice recently. I enjoy my mates, and everything that we do, but I am a little afraid that my LONG history with being a child abuse victim is making it very easy for me to be okay with being called names and pushed and/or punished during sex. I have never felt okay with normal therapists (try being a teen and telling one that you LIKED being abused...that went over well). I just...need someone who is in the lifestyle and has been longer than I to tell me that I'm not just interested in asphixia play and name calling because I'm used to it.

Please help.

Fyrefly

If your therapist expressed shock at you having complex feelings about your childhood sexual abuse, he/she was both unprofessional and inexperienced.

[Matin]

fyrefly,
when i was a boy i was both physically and emotionally beaten. the only reason i mention this is to say that as a new dom - to a woman who was also abused - yes i cause her pain. DURING PLAY. and we both know the difference. its the same with the names, and cookieman pegged this for me, i call her all sorts of things, and constantly add new words, but if one should cause a bad reaction, well, thats out the window.

just because i was abused does not NOT mean i would ever abuse her. and she doesnt take it as such. its all in the intent. she is cherished and i hope like hell she knows it; i sure try to communicate that.

i think theres a good possibility that my early life may have contributed to my lifestyle, and same with my beloved, but really, in the end, we have a more fulfilling relationship than most vanilla couples we know.

if your lifestyle choices are causing you pain, emotionally, perhaps you need to step back and try to get some clarity. but keep in mind that the places we come from only dictate our destinations if we let them. if that didnt make sense its because its a hard concept for me to express.

email me if you want a longer fable that expresses it better ^.^

sorry this was so damn long but its a hot topic for me. i hope you find serenity.