If you're "self servingly" flaunting your Dom side, as you stated, that's what I'd look for as a sure sign of an "arsehole."

D/s relationships work very much like vanilla ones do in this regard: be proud of what you have to offer, as it's a refelction of your values, but don't tell me why I should want what you have. Present yourself, then let me choose. I'll present myself, and let you choose as well.

Let's have a little Readers Digest Condensed version of two possible exchanges between two single and searching folks - we'll call them "Dick" and "Jane."

Non aresehole-ish exchange:

D: Hi, I'm Dick. I'm a single guy with no kids but a great career that keeps me really busy. Work is super important to me. I also wield a mean crop, enjoy collars and cuffs, and want a sub that is okay being a "traditional" stay at home woman for me to take care of. I find you attractive, Jane.

J: You're also very attractive to me, Dick, and I also love crops, collars and cuffs. However, I'm just ready to graduate from school and I would like to work for awhile after I graduate before settling down.

D: Well, let's get to know each other a little better before we tackle that, and see if there's enough attraction to warrant further discussion. If there is, we can discuss a compromise.

J: I know for sure I want a career of my own, and kids.

D: Okay then, we'll see you around and let's still chat as friends.

And then... Arsehole-ish exchange:

D: Hi, I'm Dick. I'm a single guy with no kids but a great career that keeps me really busy. Work is super important to me. I also wield a mean crop, enjoy collars and cuffs, and want a sub that is okay being a "traditional" stay at home woman for me to take care of. I find you attractive, Jane.

J: You're also very attractive to me, Dick, and I also love crops, collars and cuffs. However, I'm just ready to graduate from school and I would like to work for awhile after I graduate before settling down.

D: Well, you should want to please a Dom first, and you'll come to realize that me taking care of you is all you need. Let's play, and I'm sure after being my sub for awhile you'll come around to my way of thinking.

J: Well... I mean, maybe I could give it a try. I mean, I want a Dom and you're a Dom so. Um, no, this isn't working for me.

D: What? But you're my sub and the sub is supposed to do what I want!

And so on and so forth...