how to spot an arsehole

[Arria]

Wow, this thread is really evolving, and truly useful! I think it might be good enough to become a sticky, but that´s for d to decide ;-)

@ jeanne: Oh my God, you summed up all my real life criteria for finding a partner! *laughs* And it took me 5 years of search to find the right one! The critical point was usually "too weak". Yes, I am stubborn, and I need a man who can handle that without feeling his ego threatened by it.

@ delia: Asking around with the regulars is basically a good thing - also, if not even more so, in real life. I know several acquaintances of my hubby, they had all known him for years, so when they told me he was ok and none of his women ever spoke bad about him after a break-up, this was a great help in building my trust in him.
However, this also has a down-side: I am not interested in being a member of a local "scene", but I witnessed wayyyyyyyyyyyy more than once a certain thing happening: A couple broke up, and straight afterwards the sub tried to ruin the dom´s reputation by badmouthing him, calling him harmful/dangerous/uncontrolled etc. etc. and spreading the info by all available ways. (What was usually behind it was a dom who ended the relationship because it did not work for him, and the sub felt her pride hurt by it.)
So - yes, do ask around. But by all means consider the source of your information.

@ caligirl: Your point about listening to your inner voice is probably the most important of all. More often than not people realize they had a bad feeling about the one they had a nasty experience with, to begin with. I myself could have spared me the most horrid relationship/experience I ever had, if I had followed my inner voice, which strongly disliked him upon the very first look.
However, I was dumb/naive enough to give that guy a chance, because he had not DONE anything to me in order to deserve that disgust (he fully justified it later, though).

@ damyanti: I like people who ask questions. And asking questions used to be what drove potential doms up the walls upon meeting me. *g*
Hubby was the only one who NEVER got impatient with me for it, and who always encourages me in my search of information. Which was one of the most important reasons for me to engage in a relationship with him to begin with, and which was one of my reasons for marrying him. *g*

@ lucy: I hate those "friend requests" also. My way to cope with them was to include a sentence into my profile text, which says, I will not accept a friend request from anyone who has not at least spoken once with me in chat, or corresponded with me otherwise.
If people still send me request without having spoken to me, I know they did not even bother to read my profile properly, and that makes me wonder why on Earth they would want to be my "friend".
I even have only 13 friends on Myspace and dislike "friend collectors" who only want to add you because they want to have 2,579,876 friends, or just because they like your profile pic. Ummmm, hello?