aligning your will to His

[damyanti]

To quote Madeleine Albright, "I was a late starter, but that's why I made an effort to catch up on what I had missed...it took me twenty-five years to, in the end, succeed over night".

When I first came here...it was a shock on my system. I had years of researching BDSM behind me, but this was my first direct contact with "real" people, and foolishly I wrote that into my profile and some took that to mean I was free game...I got a LOT of unsolicited "schooling" about everything I did "wrong", how wrong I was, how I wasn't true submissive...basically a lot of talking down to and attempts to recruit me into different BDSM "cliques" and philosophies....part of it was my fault because I expected BDSM'ers to be more liberal (today that makes me LMAO ) so I had made myself vulnerable.
Anyway, I toughened up (thanks to some wonderful friends I made here) and I don't let things bother me...actually they simply don't anymore...and I think that comes from meeting someone who shares and understands my philosophy...it was comforting to meet a normal guy (who just happens to be a brilliant Dom, *wg*) and even if things don't work out for us, he has become one of my dearest friends.

My point being (yes, I actually have one, sorry for rambling LOL)...for me this is no longer about exploring BDSM (i.e. trying to find "the way"), it is about exploring myself. BDSM is an individual journey, its about the distance traveled more then it is about how you "stack up" to someone else.

Personally, the older I get the younger I feel. (long story behind that, LOL)...and why I find your stories and this thread so inspirational.

Another thing is...40, 50, 60, even 70 is not the same as it was for our grandparents or parents. We live differently, we live in a different social climate, we age differently....so you are exactly where you need to be. What is grown up anyway?

Einstein in a letter to Otto Juliusburger wrote: "People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live...[We] never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born." Perhaps we are the same in regards to BDSM.

Or as good old Coco (Chanel) used to say, "A woman has the age she deserves."

Though my favorite must be (yep, I have a one track mind ): Pearl S. Buck, "You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea." I mean really,...*ggl*.

[Pearlgem]

My point being ..for me this is no longer about exploring BDSM (i.e. trying to find "the way"), it is about exploring myself. BDSM is an individual journey, its about the distance traveled more then it is about how you "stack up" to someone else.

Personally, the older I get the younger I feel. (long story behind that, LOL)...and why I find your stories and this thread so inspirational.

First of all I have to apologise for raising the idea that I felt us subs were all in competition here to have the best sub credentials. I personally didn't get that impression, but when I raised the point of competition I think I was really expressing my own insecurities, wondering if I should be different from how I am because I didn't see anyone just like me. If I was a young, always knew I was submissive sub, I would say so too, with pride. Why not? There's nothing wrong with that; it's lovely. I am only staking a wee claim for us older, relative newbies and was simply wondering if anyone felt like me too - a little bit 'unrepresented' amongst all the dazzling youth. Our fires burn brightly too but I don't wish to diminish anyone else's flame at all!
Please feel apologised to if I have raised an unseemly thought in your mind that wasn't there before.

(However, the moment I find my g spot, YOU WILL ALL KNOW ABOUT IT, I'll make certain of that, and to heck with anyone else's feelings of inadequacy!)


I feel damyanti (above) is right (as usual.) This whole thing is a personal journey of exploration. Dare I allow myself to become a sub? What does it mean to explore this submissive nature of mine? What am I learning about myself? Lisais mine claims the only opinion that should matter is your Dom's and that's true as a measure of how much you please - it's not up to you to decide that - but your sense of self is something that you can't hand over to another, I think. It can be no other way. You don't relinquish your will after all, you align it to the will of another. (God, how brilliant is that to get back to where I started!!) There must be will and intelligence and knowledge of self, to do this. You must know, for instance, when something is not right for you, when to speak up, when to share, to communicate, to quit.

I was given some very thoughtful advice when I first made my appearance on this site and I've never forgotten it or the kindness of people who reached out and helped. If you are not thriving in your submission, there's something wrong. Your Dom should help you thrive and grow and allow you to be happy. But you are ultimately responsible for this, by making good choices to be where you want to be in the first place. God, easier said than done. We make mistakes but sometimes mistakes can be very good for us as long as we learn from them.

I'm happy and curious and sometimes unsettled; full of desires, need, contrary opinions and satisfaction. I sometimes think BDSM is a load of bollocks - sometimes I understand it and sometimes I don't. My Master would sort me out in a minute over his knee. How unreconstructed, in the modern world, is that? And yet it's wonderful to be among people who understand and share my exploration.

[AdrianaAurora]

First of all I have to apologise for raising the idea that I felt us subs were all in competition here to have the best sub credentials. I personally didn't get that impression, but when I raised the point of competition I think I was really expressing my own insecurities, wondering if I should be different from how I am because I didn't see anyone just like me.

You mean we aren't?

Lol, Oh God Pearlgem don't apologize about that because it does exist, but my Husband says that is to be expected because women always do that (sort of like a female version of "mine's bigger") no matter what we are talking about, (and if the Wise one says so, it must be true lol).

As for insecurities - we all have them, and this is the place we come to air them out.

Beautiful thread Pearlgem, and even if I can't relate to on the older submissive thing, you have hit so many truths with it that just ring true - it is always a pleasure to read your thoughts.