There are any number of reasons why he's refusing to be "in the scene." It sounds like he's in denial about who he is and what he wants. He probably has misconceptions about BDSM and the people who practice it. He may be afraid that someone might recognize him and "out" him. Maybe he's been "in the scene" before and didn't like it. Instead of working on a way to "make"" him go, why don't you try asking him why he's so opposed to it?