what do you think of the silent treatment as used for punishment?

[13'sbadkitty]

maybe i have an overdeveloped sense of abandonment to begin with when it comes to Him anyways, but i am not so sure what it is that would cause Him to do this. W/we have had vanilla arguments that have led to His roaring off on His bike, but mainly its about preserving the relationship and not saying a hurtful thing. the worst thing i ever did was tell Him a lie under the influence of sleep meds about masturbating and He punished me by taking my collar away from me and not allowing any form of submissive behavior. that nipped it all right there. outside of silly bratty behavior that is playful, lesson learned. i learned that i valued His domination over me as well as my submission to Him. silence wouldn't have taught me as much as that did. just my limited experience is that silence always feels like shutting someone out, its meant to. for some of us thats huge.

[Miner]

silence always feels like shutting someone out, its meant to. for some of us thats huge.

That is you, 13'sbadkitty. Punishment must not only fit the crime, it must also fit the submissive. With the sort of mind-set you have, 13'sbadkitty, the silent treatment would not work, obviously, and I presume your dominant would recognise that, and not use the silent treatment.

In a similar vein, spanking someone who loves being spanked in punishment is, in my opinion, daft. In that case, it may reinforce the bad behaviour.

If a relationship is important to the sub removal of communication from the Dominant online would be something a sub would find unpleasant, and would focus his or her mind on the infraction, and certainly would make them think twice about committing the same offence again.

In a real time relationship the silent treatment would work in a similar way.

So I guess the answer is for me I would hate the silent treatment, and I feel it's an effective punishment.

Precisely!

[Jennifer Williams]

That is you, 13'sbadkitty.

Well of course it's her; the OP's question was

What do you think of the silent treatment as used for punishment.. Do you find it effective?

All any of us has done was posted our own personal opinion about whether this would be effective for them.

[fetishdj]

maybe i have an overdeveloped sense of abandonment to begin with when it comes to Him anyways, but i am not so sure what it is that would cause Him to do this. W/we have had vanilla arguments that have led to His roaring off on His bike, but mainly its about preserving the relationship and not saying a hurtful thing. the worst thing i ever did was tell Him a lie under the influence of sleep meds about masturbating and He punished me by taking my collar away from me and not allowing any form of submissive behavior. that nipped it all right there. outside of silly bratty behavior that is playful, lesson learned. i learned that i valued His domination over me as well as my submission to Him. silence wouldn't have taught me as much as that did. just my limited experience is that silence always feels like shutting someone out, its meant to. for some of us thats huge.

I think this highlights a difference...

You have an argument, he roars off in a sulk (or you do the same). This is not 'using the silent treatment as punishment' in a BDSM context. For one thing it is not planned nor preset but an emotional response caused by an argument. Usually people do this because they want to avoid making an argument worse by saying or doing something they may regret - by leaving the situation they gain the chance to regain their control and act more rationally in later engagements.

Silence in BDSM is different. It is planned. The sub knows it will happen and why it is happening. It is not an emotional response to gain time to consider future actions but a demonstration of control and power. You could argue that, by pre-ordaining actions and consequences in this way, a BDSM relationship may well avoid arguments and feelings of abandonment because the sub knows where they stand - they have certainty.

[13'sbadkitty]

I think this highlights a difference...

You have an argument, he roars off in a sulk (or you do the same). This is not 'using the silent treatment as punishment' in a BDSM context. For one thing it is not planned nor preset but an emotional response caused by an argument. Usually people do this because they want to avoid making an argument worse by saying or doing something they may regret - by leaving the situation they gain the chance to regain their control and act more rationally in later engagements.

Silence in BDSM is different. It is planned. The sub knows it will happen and why it is happening. It is not an emotional response to gain time to consider future actions but a demonstration of control and power. You could argue that, by pre-ordaining actions and consequences in this way, a BDSM relationship may well avoid arguments and feelings of abandonment because the sub knows where they stand - they have certainty.

no i got that fetish, i did.

i was actually i guess feeling my way through the question which is typical for me. now i will go immediately go sit in my corner quietly

[damyanti]

It is my no.1 hard limit.

The moment he does that we really have nothing more to discuss. To me it says he is immature, inarticulate, overgrown brat that doesn't care about me or the relationship and is only in it for the "sports".

When one party needs time off or cooling off period, and its agreed to beforehand with set rules and time tables, that is fine, we all need that occasionally.

But I dont buy fanciful tripe that silent treatment in BDSM as punishment is something different than it is in vanilla world i.e. sulking bordering on emotional abuse or playing sadistic mind fucks. I know you can make it sound logical in print, the problem is that in practice it never translates itself as such. It is immature, it is callous and cruel, and just because it is effective in short term doesnt mean its "punishment", it is abandonment. It scars the submissive, it irrevocably damages the trust and by that relationship.

Now, as with everything else, some people get off on that....so to each their own.