Quote Originally Posted by 13'sbadkitty View Post
maybe i have an overdeveloped sense of abandonment to begin with when it comes to Him anyways, but i am not so sure what it is that would cause Him to do this. W/we have had vanilla arguments that have led to His roaring off on His bike, but mainly its about preserving the relationship and not saying a hurtful thing. the worst thing i ever did was tell Him a lie under the influence of sleep meds about masturbating and He punished me by taking my collar away from me and not allowing any form of submissive behavior. that nipped it all right there. outside of silly bratty behavior that is playful, lesson learned. i learned that i valued His domination over me as well as my submission to Him. silence wouldn't have taught me as much as that did. just my limited experience is that silence always feels like shutting someone out, its meant to. for some of us thats huge.
I think this highlights a difference...

You have an argument, he roars off in a sulk (or you do the same). This is not 'using the silent treatment as punishment' in a BDSM context. For one thing it is not planned nor preset but an emotional response caused by an argument. Usually people do this because they want to avoid making an argument worse by saying or doing something they may regret - by leaving the situation they gain the chance to regain their control and act more rationally in later engagements.

Silence in BDSM is different. It is planned. The sub knows it will happen and why it is happening. It is not an emotional response to gain time to consider future actions but a demonstration of control and power. You could argue that, by pre-ordaining actions and consequences in this way, a BDSM relationship may well avoid arguments and feelings of abandonment because the sub knows where they stand - they have certainty.