How to be safe?

[thir]

I realise in a lot of situations it doesn't work out, but do you think taking this forum, for example, would constitute a somewhat biased sample? All the couples who managed to successfully introduce BDSM into their lives would have no need for this forum - both partners would still be happy in their relationship as they were before. It's those who try (and fail) to introduce BDSM who would then be feeling the need for support and go in search of a forum like this to discuss their problems.

What I meant was that seeking bdsm in a vanilla population often does not work out.

As for this forum, it is by no means only used by people who have a troubled bdsm life. A great many like to have contact with other bdsm people :-) and if you read more, you'll see a good many posts on very good relationships.

This is not just about problems, but about THTWD in general and much more besides.

I really don't doubt that for lots of people it hasn't worked out, and that it does really hurt when that happens, but eventually time heals and it surely has to be worth a shot if there is a chance of it working?

Why, yes, of course. I think I must have expressed myself very clumsily if you got that impression. Again, I was talking about vanilla><bdsm seeking.

I just fail to see how if you meet someone "on the scene" and then strike up a relationship, you could both happily give up what you had/did before in public and enter into pure privacy at home? That's why I'm concered about going out to events because I'm not convinced I'll find what I'm looking for, it already seems too public for me!

I do not see why someone who was looking for a partner should not be happy to retreat to the domestic scene if one was found. Anyway, there is no harm in looking.