Quote Originally Posted by ami_r90 View Post
I feel about 10 years old for even having to make a thread to ask this, but always better safe than sorry I guess...
Yes, indeed ;-)

I want to try to find that in a relationship again - where BDSM is just in the bedroom and is a personal aspect of our lives - however the predicament is that the very process of finding someone into BDSM (at a munch, night event etc.) surely contradicts the personal aspect?
I assume you have considered looking on the various sites where people are looking for partners? There is one here as well.

Why not talk to people on-line, also about non-bdsm things, get to know them to some extent, while still nothing more than an online-name to each other. Talk about your needs, and let them express theirs. It can be nice or tedious, but you cannot really avoid this phase.

Then meet in a public place the first time, and possibly more times.

After that it may be time to take the leap but yes, I'd say do let someone know where you are! Maybe you need not tell them what for, it is a resonable safety precausion also for vanilla first-private-meetings.

If your potential new dom does not like this, or is adamant about how you should 'trust him', I'd consider whether I wanted a dom who cannot understand the safety issues of a sub.