Husband/master finds it hard to to "mean" to me

[davina_]

Actually, I think I know exactly what you are saying. And we do that now, kind of trade off. Everything is pretty good except I sometimes wonder what it would be like if she was "really" dominant. She is just so darn sweet and wonderful all the time, (unless you put a sterring wheel in her hand, LOL). She loves the feeling of power when she uses a strapon on me but she just doesn't have it in her to really be dominant and forceful with me. I think she just doubts herself too much.

[thir]

Actually, I think I know exactly what you are saying. And we do that now, kind of trade off. Everything is pretty good except I sometimes wonder what it would be like if she was "really" dominant. She is just so darn sweet and wonderful all the time, (unless you put a sterring wheel in her hand, LOL). She loves the feeling of power when she uses a strapon on me but she just doesn't have it in her to really be dominant and forceful with me. I think she just doubts herself too much.

I am sometimes wondering if - I don't know - if much thought is steered by wishful thinking. By longing.

If we have a wish for how we would like to be treated, maybe we tend to think that our partner must somehow be the mirroring of our desires. But we are all so different!

What if your partner is totally satisfied with what she has? The actual physical expression of dominance is so different from person to person. Maybe it is not something she does not have in her, not a lack, but simply her profile?

In general, not talking about you or anything here:

you often hear about a sub or a dom who thinks their partner is not a real sub or dom, simply because they do not exactly match your own desires.
I think it is a problem in many cases and could destroy potentially good relationships. However, if you can accept differences maybe you can learn to deal with them?

[davina_]

I am sometimes wondering if - I don't know - if much thought is steered by wishful thinking. By longing.

If we have a wish for how we would like to be treated, maybe we tend to think that our partner must somehow be the mirroring of our desires. But we are all so different!

What if your partner is totally satisfied with what she has? The actual physical expression of dominance is so different from person to person. Maybe it is not something she does not have in her, not a lack, but simply her profile?

In general, not talking about you or anything here:

you often hear about a sub or a dom who thinks their partner is not a real sub or dom, simply because they do not exactly match your own desires.
I think it is a problem in many cases and could destroy potentially good relationships. However, if you can accept differences maybe you can learn to deal with them?

That really does make a lot of sense, thank you for that reply. She does seem quite happy and satisfied. I try to go to extreme lengths to figure out what she likes and so far, what I have learned is that she needs someone to care for her, love her, and most of all, respect her. We are both professionals and work hard. So our play-time is limited. Sometimes, I think what makes her the happiest is when I do the majority of the housework before she has a chance to get to it. Tends to make her sparkle a little bit. Then, some TLC does the rest. She is the best thing to ever happen to me and I want nothing more than to further her happiness. She does admit my fantasies are kinky and she loves kinky but she says she is just not good at it. It's all kind of weird so I just keep searching for those little things that bring a smile to her face.

I also liked your previous post about seeing three different perspectives and not really being able to understand the mindset of each. I guess it really is a completely individual thing for each and every one of us.

[thir]

So our play-time is limited.

Made me wonder - does she even have the time to find out where she is with this? Sometimes you just have to be off the daily vortex of things to do to be able to switch your mindset to other things - or so I have found myself.

She does admit my fantasies are kinky and she loves kinky but she says she is just not good at it.

Do you know what she means by not being good at it? What, to her, is good at it? If she loves it, that sounds like potential to me! Would it help if you told she is not supposed to be 'good at it' as much as enjoy it? ;-)

I also liked your previous post about seeing three different perspectives and not really being able to understand the mindset of each. I guess it really is a completely individual thing for each and every one of us.

I believe with all my heart that it is, even if some things may overlap. So I also believe that it is a journey for each of us to find our very own way. Good luck :-)