becoming masochistic

[jezabel]

Ive never liked pain before, I cant even pluck my own eyebrows but now as I become more enveloped into the lifestyle, the idea of pain excites me, Master knows my limits and would never push them without permission but even then I want more.

Can someone turn from being "normal" (whatever normal is) into a masochist, wanting and needing the pain?

This might sound a bit daft, but Im scared at the difference in me. Ive spoken to my Master about it and He says Hes just released the 'real me'. Is He right, was I always like this and just didnt realise?

thanks jez xxx

[guest010609]

Ive never liked pain before, I cant even pluck my own eyebrows but now as I become more enveloped into the lifestyle, the idea of pain excites me, Master knows my limits and would never push them without permission but even then I want more.

Can someone turn from being "normal" (whatever normal is) into a masochist, wanting and needing the pain?

This might sound a bit daft, but Im scared at the difference in me. Ive spoken to my Master about it and He says Hes just released the 'real me'. Is He right, was I always like this and just didnt realise?

thanks jez xxx

Yes, I think that a person can go from non-masochistic to masochistic. I think this is generally spurred into happenning by some sort of life changing event, in many cases. Personally, I've been mosochistic since I was 6 or 7 yrs old, so I can't quite identify with your fear of change within yourself. If it were me, I would probably try to identify at exactly what point I changed and what might have led to that change- just because I would feel a compulsive need to know. I'm not actually sure about the "real you"... I'm not sure there is a "real" anybody because everyone grows and changes throughout their lives. What can be very real now, may not be in a few years and vice versa. I know that in the 13 years with my Master (more or less, my whole adult life), I have changed repeatedly as have the things that I enjoy in bdsm. In my case, I do know that this (as in, the overall D/s and s&m) was ALWAYS what I wanted in life... even as a kid.

[shyslut]

I too have gone through a big change in my life starting bdsm. I was more scared about "everything else" than becoming masochistic.

I was the same way. Couldn't handle any pain and felt like i complained too much and that pain must hurt me more than it hurt anyone else. My first play date; my dom said he purposefully wanted to find the edges of my limits. He said he expected that it might not be that fun and that I would safeword frequently.

I ended up getting spanked, paddled, flogged and having my nipples pierced with needles all the while begging for more and not safewording and he didn't give it lol I was amazed but not scared. He explained to me that the ability to eroticise pain is a skill. One that some people instinctively know or find and that otherwise can be learned!!

I still would not say im a real masochist. In my "normal" life I am not wanting and needing the pain, i dont seek it. When play time comes around I positively vibrate with anticipation of it and I really enjoy it. If it happens fantastic. If not I might have moments of disappointment but only moments as im really enjoying everything else immensely regardless lol

[Pearlgem]

How, how, how can you learn to eroticise pain?

[Ozme52]

How, how, how can you learn to eroticise pain?

Pearlgem,

Try this and see if you begin to understand.

Grab you nipple, and squeeze hard. (You don't have to if you already know what it feels like.)

Now... carress your nipple and start stroking your clit and as you get more and more turned on, start to slowly squeeze it... harder and harder... by the time you get to the point of no return and start cumming, you should be squeezing nipple as hard as you can stand.

Next time... be squeezing even harder as you cum.

Pretty soon, you'll want help... someone who can either free up your hand so you can attend to both nipples at once... or someone who can deal with your nipples for you.

Let us know how the demonstation works for ya.

[jezabel]

Pearlgem,

Try this and see if you begin to understand.

Grab you nipple, and squeeze hard. (You don't have to if you already know what it feels like.)

Now... carress your nipple and start stroking your clit and as you get more and more turned on, start to slowly squeeze it... harder and harder... by the time you get to the point of no return and start cumming, you should be squeezing nipple as hard as you can stand.

Next time... be squeezing even harder as you cum.

Pretty soon, you'll want help... someone who can either free up your hand so you can attend to both nipples at once... or someone who can deal with your nipples for you.

Let us know how the demonstation works for ya.

now that sounds fun LOL

[fantasien]

now that sounds fun LOL

Oh yea it does. I have done similar. But minus the pinching the clit. I dont have one. I have a penis instead.

[Pearlgem]

Pearlgem,

Try this and see if you begin to understand.

Grab you nipple, and squeeze hard. (You don't have to if you already know what it feels like.)

Now... carress your nipple and start stroking your clit and as you get more and more turned on, start to slowly squeeze it... harder and harder... by the time you get to the point of no return and start cumming, you should be squeezing nipple as hard as you can stand.

Next time... be squeezing even harder as you cum.

Pretty soon, you'll want help... someone who can either free up your hand so you can attend to both nipples at once... or someone who can deal with your nipples for you.

Let us know how the demonstation works for ya.

Sure it works. BDSM 101. Let me rephrase then. Is it possible to eroticise severe pain given as punishment and not intended to be erotic? I am learning to tolerate this type of pain but boy, it'd be good to learn to love it.

[Ozme52]

Sure it works. BDSM 101.

You mean the book? Heh, I knew I was good... I just didn't realize they were downloading my mind.

Let me rephrase then. Is it possible to eroticise severe pain given as punishment and not intended to be erotic? I am learning to tolerate this type of pain but boy, it'd be good to learn to love it.

Some do have a body reaction, get wet, maybe even horny... but those who do also say that mentally they find it "tortuous" because of the intent... that they're being punished and they know it... so it's not erotic, despite their physical reaction.

But the bottom line is... why would you want to love the act of being punished. Isn't it better to learn and move on? Unless your dom prefers finding excuses to punish you... (and some do, not saying right or wrong in this thread...) and you need to accept and accommodate him as your role as a submissive.

Now, if he likes it as part of role play, where you have to be "bad" or "naughty" in your role... and you get punished... and it's severe... then I can see where your goal would be to eroticize it...

In that case, assuming it wouldn't lose its appeal for your dom, tell him so he can help you get there. My above example... but connecting the orgasm to a spanking... then a paddle... then a flogger or cane... and always escalating the punishment that you connect to the orgasm... just the same way as with nipples... or butt plugs... or wax... or whatever activity you do for him that is difficult for you.

But remember, its being difficult is sometimes part of the appeal for the dom... because you take it for him. In fact, that may be all it takes to eroticize it for you. My girl is constantly amazed at her mental processes as she realizes how good it is for her, giving herself up for my pleasure.

[shyslut]

If we try to discuss concrete ways to eroticise or handle pain.

Being well rested, fed, watered and having gone to the bathroom etc.

Theres being vocal, not so loud that your waking the neighbors but definitely a relaxation of the breath and voice allowing whatever sound to come out.

Also in being vocal dirty talk can help. Please spank your wet slut *gasp

Breathing deep or fast can help.

Staying physically relaxed, hard when you know the paddle is coming but necessary.

Starting gradually with warming up.

Being allowed to pleasure yourself throughout.

Music

Being insanely horny before beginning.

Imagine the very worst pain you possibly can then when the smack comes it does not hurt nearly as bad as you imagined

being tied down

ask to be allowed to choose what implement you use, know what is being used ahead of time, or have a calender or a set rotation you can reference

visualization, imagining a glowing line pulsing from your sore ass to your genitals and causing pleasure

affirmations like; this makes me fly, I feel love, I love ____, etc.

Im sure theres more but im getting tired now lol

[jeanne]

But remember, its being difficult is sometimes part of the appeal for the dom... because you take it for him. In fact, that may be all it takes to eroticize it for you. My girl is constantly amazed at her mental processes as she realizes how good it is for her, giving herself up for my pleasure.

[SubmissiveDoll]

Sure it works. BDSM 101. Let me rephrase then. Is it possible to eroticise severe pain given as punishment and not intended to be erotic? I am learning to tolerate this type of pain but boy, it'd be good to learn to love it.

It would be nice... I'm a total pain slut. I broke my ankle, went to work (waitress) and had a great night. My Master spanks me for fun and I love it. Spanking for being in trouble... thats a different matter altogether. Oz mostly covered it. I love pain, physically. Emotional pain, thats a whole other critters. Punishments make me sad, it isn't the physical pain that hurts me. It's knowing that I let him down. Yes it hurts physically, no I don't enjoy that hurt, I'm just too sad. Part of enjoying pain is the chemical releases that take place, which simply don't happen when you're sad. So unless you are giddy to be getting punished, that probably won't work.

[guest010609]

It would be nice... I'm a total pain slut. I broke my ankle, went to work (waitress) and had a great night. My Master spanks me for fun and I love it. Spanking for being in trouble... thats a different matter altogether. Oz mostly covered it. I love pain, physically. Emotional pain, thats a whole other critters. Punishments make me sad, it isn't the physical pain that hurts me. It's knowing that I let him down. Yes it hurts physically, no I don't enjoy that hurt, I'm just too sad. Part of enjoying pain is the chemical releases that take place, which simply don't happen when you're sad. So unless you are giddy to be getting punished, that probably won't work.

Your comment about emotional pain got me thinking... that is something which a slave can learn to enjoy- or at least find fullfillment in as well. I'm definately not speaking of enjoying the sadness and pain of displeasing one's Master. (Though there is a hugely fullfilled feeling for me, at least, after I sob and cry and say how sorry I am over and over during a punishment)... afterwards I tend to find the subspace that eluded me (of course) during the punishment. What I am actually referring to though is emotional pain brought about by severe verbal humiliation or being cuckqueaned. It can be a fucking incredible feeling of submission and emotional pain and humiliation when my Master comes home and tells me about a sexual encounter he has just had with another girl. He tells me while I give him head, and as he tells me he gets hard all over again- for me- and omg wow... I always cry my eyes out and cum my brains out. Granted this is definately NOT for everyone, but for me- WOW!!!! And I never would have imagined getting this kind of pleasure from emotional pain before a couple of years ago. Ok, I gotta go find my Master now, cuz I'm all worked up... lol.

[Ozme52]

Shouldn't worry jez,

We all change all throughout our lives. I'd worry more about not changing... cuz you're either dead or live like a zombie. LOL

Do you eat exactly the same foods as you did when you were young? Have some of your tastes "matured"? Like spicy foods that you didn't as a child? Or even some "exotic" foods that were just icky back then? Calamari? Sushi? Maybe even eggplant. LOL

So why wouldn't your sexual tastes mature and change over time. Nor should you presume that this is a permanent phase either. Something you may always enjoy, but you can get your fill of this too.

In reality, I believe it has a lot to do with how we feel about our partners. We ALL do a lot to please our partners... and for a submissive, this is a particularly large truth.

I'd not worry... just enjoy.

[jezabel]

I'd not worry... just enjoy.

hi, im not worried as such but its just that is a big change for me.

perhaps ur right that i want to please my Master but surely that wouldnt account for the immense pleasure i get from being beaten, strangled etc....or maybe it does, lol

i am enjoying it and hope to try to push more limits soon....(r u reading this Master LOL)

[Skyybird]

perhaps ur right that i want to please my Master but surely that wouldnt account for the immense pleasure i get from being beaten, strangled etc....or maybe it does, lol

The infliction and acceptance of such things takes trust. An intimacy of minds and feelings. I think if you look deeply within yourself you will see that the reason it affects you so much is because you have allowed yourself to not be afraid and to connect with your Master. The connection is powerful and addictive.

Allowing him to touch you and speak to you in a way that you would feel nervous letting anyone else do is always at the centre of any masochistic thrill.

I've seen that sparkle in your eyes. I told you...

[pntby]

wow this is very hot

[flying66]

there are also different kinds of pain... like I don't enjoy hitting my shin against a stair anymore than the next person but getting clothespins on my pussy and nipples excites me... so different types of pain

and yes, I think one's pain thresh hold and willingness to accept certain types of pain can be 'learned' because I certainly am learning to get more and more intense spanking sessions even though I loved them before lol