Male submissives

[moonlitsub]

I tried this way last time and it kind of got washed away with no response. I haven't been on the forum much because holidays are starting up and people have to eat but it seems like from what I've seen there aren't very many male submissives it is that or they don't go on the forum much. But I always hear how there are so many male submissives and so few female dominants that makes me wonder how many are actual submissives or just guys thinking they can get easy sex. How many are truly masochistic, how many love bondage. I just wonder feel free to place input or let this thread die also.

[jeanne]

I hope you get more response this time. (BTW - good to see you here! )

I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

[DIXIE LASS]

I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

It also seems to me that they post intros and then disappear. And lately it seems like there are an ever increasing number of male subs joining and posting those intros and even reposting intros a few weeks later. But they get no replies except the usual "welcome" ones and if you visit their page they have neither visitor messages nor friends. This leads me to believe that there are so few Dommes that they get no hits and just gradually fade away. Jeanne may be right about the chat rooms but I don't go there either so I don't know.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

Dittos. Men in general are very poor communicators. A common occurance is this: First, we are treated with the mind-boggling news of, "Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Unoriginal, unexciting, unexceptional, dull, stale..........and so on. Then, we go visit their profile page and we are overwhelmed and brought to our knees with the enlightening and refreshing information that they are: "Male". "Submissive". If we get really, really lucky that day we might discover that they are located in "No Where".

What????? Do they think they are paying by the word? I'm not a Domme but if I were this sure wouldn't attract my attention.

Moonlitsub, the answer is probably a combination of the above.

DIXIE

[dave]

I couldn't agree more with all the above!
dave

[yama]

So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

It is a very interesting thread, I have learned a lot from the posts, having read each of them. There is an expression: "In my humble opinion." Well, my dears, my opinion wants to be truly humble. I am new, young and unexperienced. Please don't hesitate to correct me, I want to be really docile.

I am neither a male sub nor a Domme. But my submission became reality when I found somebody that was ready to fulfil my secret fantasies. I found another girl whom I was able to have long, intimate talks with, and, first time in my life, I was able to reveal my masochistic fantasies. To my surprise, she expressed, very shyly, her readiness to humiliate and torture me. This talk ended up with my getting topless and her whipping my breasts and back with the strap of her bag. Since that it has been continuing on this line. She doesn't tell me what dresses to wear, but she takes the whip and tells me to strip naked and grab my ankles, and I obey. I can express it so that we are not in D/S relationship, only in S/M, sadist/masochist relationship. She fulfils my fantasies, and I fulfil her fantasies. It was surprising when she first told me to open my mouth and then she spat into my mouth, but I swallowed her spit without hesitation and thanked her. I have a strong experience of being humiliated, without being regulated in my every step.

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

Please, please, understand me, I ask really humbly, it is not irony at all. I am ready to be corrected. Thank you for your kind attention.

[thir]

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

No, absolutely not. IMO there is not way that is better than another, even if you'll meet people who'll say that their particular way is the way not just for them, but for eveyone. Just ignore them ;-) The point is that the people in question are happy.

And that is where the problem may be. If, for instance, one of the partners is not honest about what he/she wants - say the have the fantasy of wanting to be a slave, but do not what to do this in reality. This is ok and what many want, but should be said openly, as many people waste time and energy and eventually their hopes of finding a good matching partner because they have to go through so many people who do not admit what they are really after.

The other problem that can arise is that in some cases the sub just want his/her needs met, without having anything to offer.
I am sorry to say this, but I have also encountered subs, male subs mostly, who saw me as some sort of tool to satisfy them, not as a partner in a relationship who also happens to want something out of the whole thing.

That said, this is of course not to mean all male subs, I have met some truly wonderful subs as well :-)

[yama]

Thank you thir - or am I supposed to say Ma'am? I am ready
to bow down before you, really.

Thank you very much for your enlightening post. I start seeing
what is it about. Obviously I had no problem with Lila because we
were already close friends when the SM relationship started. But,
as I have pointed out, there were cases when she lead me in
a surprising direction, and I always followed her lead, even
enjoying my submission. (She accepts ideas from me, though.)

Without previous acquaintance, if I offered myself as a slave,
I would have a strong decision that I would seek what pleases
my Mistress/Master, giving up my own ideas. (I am here with the
same intention, ready to give up my ideas, be as docile as I can.)
Without this, I can well imagine that the Mistress/Master sends
away her/his incorrect sub. I can see what is the problem.

Thank you very much and very humbly again, your were
really very kind in answering me.

No, absolutely not. IMO there is not way that is better than another, even if you'll meet people who'll say that their particular way is the way not just for them, but for eveyone. Just ignore them ;-) The point is that the people in question are happy.

And that is where the problem may be. If, for instance, one of the partners is not honest about what he/she wants - say the have the fantasy of wanting to be a slave, but do not what to do this in reality. This is ok and what many want, but should be said openly, as many people waste time and energy and eventually their hopes of finding a good matching partner because they have to go through so many people who do not admit what they are really after.

The other problem that can arise is that in some cases the sub just want his/her needs met, without having anything to offer.
I am sorry to say this, but I have also encountered subs, male subs mostly, who saw me as some sort of tool to satisfy them, not as a partner in a relationship who also happens to want something out of the whole thing.

That said, this is of course not to mean all male subs, I have met some truly wonderful subs as well :-)

[Ozme52]

It is a very interesting thread, I have learned a lot from the posts, having read each of them. There is an expression: "In my humble opinion." Well, my dears, my opinion wants to be truly humble. I am new, young and unexperienced. Please don't hesitate to correct me, I want to be really docile.

I am neither a male sub nor a Domme. But my submission became reality when I found somebody that was ready to fulfil my secret fantasies. I found another girl whom I was able to have long, intimate talks with, and, first time in my life, I was able to reveal my masochistic fantasies. To my surprise, she expressed, very shyly, her readiness to humiliate and torture me. This talk ended up with my getting topless and her whipping my breasts and back with the strap of her bag. Since that it has been continuing on this line. She doesn't tell me what dresses to wear, but she takes the whip and tells me to strip naked and grab my ankles, and I obey. I can express it so that we are not in D/S relationship, only in S/M, sadist/masochist relationship. She fulfils my fantasies, and I fulfil her fantasies. It was surprising when she first told me to open my mouth and then she spat into my mouth, but I swallowed her spit without hesitation and thanked her. I have a strong experience of being humiliated, without being regulated in my every step.

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

Please, please, understand me, I ask really humbly, it is not irony at all. I am ready to be corrected. Thank you for your kind attention.

No, of course not. That's what we all desire. But it is, imo, appropriate that the dominant directs how and when the submissive's desires get realized.

Our roles are different, and complementary.

[yama]

But it is, imo, appropriate that the dominant directs how and when the submissive's desires get realized.

Our roles are different, and complementary.

I understand you, Sir, and I fully agree. A submissive must submit.
Even a sadist/masochist or fetish top/bottom relationship means a
sort of domination/submission, only not necessarily in all area of life.
I hope I could make clear that I really submit to my dominant girl,
even if she has surprises for me. And I would obey her if she wanted
to dominate me on other areas. My craving for being humiliated could
make me a real slave. But neither of us is interested in that.

Thank you for your reply. I found it late, because as a silly girl I started
to read the thread at its end. Sorry, Sir. When putting clamps on me,
please remember my misdeed and make them tight.

(Referring to a former conversation on the "Clamps on the clit?" thread.)

[ravnseye]

I've only been a member here for less than a week. I have been masochist since before I knew what one was. For me, it took a great many years to get past the mask that society laid out for me. A few years ago, I accepted, and really started exploring who and what I was/am. Still, I do find it hard to be that in front of others, even in cyber space. In the really real world, I am about as redneck as it gets, more by the people in my life, and where I am and such. Since the first time I pinched my own nip while...er..."relaxing" I have known it wasn't something to talk about, because of what I was taught. Now, I try to get to know people, and read the situation, before I speak. So, for me anyway (I can speak for no other) it isn't a matter of hiding, it's a matter of assessing the place before I speak. I am a sub, and love being so. Give me time to know you, and soon you'll be telling me to shut up, instead of openup

[Slavejamesuk]

i have spent many years reading stories from the library, and only very recently registered for chat. I think many men are more interested in pictures, stories and cyber than in chatting to discuss s&m.

I have been submissive all my life, for many years only to women, and most of whom I had to pay for thier attention.

I have been fortuante to have had a couple of girlfriends dominate me, but both only did it for my pleasure and neither were dommes, but i did live for 8 years with a pro dominatrix and she really enjoyed her work.

I am now bisexual in s&m and this has really opened me to new areas of submission.

With regard to chat and cyber I was very good at impersonating a female sub and had lots of fun and many hours with an erection teasing myself for as long as possible, one handed typing gets better with practice.

Hope everyone enjoys their submission and domination.
Deepest respects
James

[wannabeslave]

i am a male sub who does not have an agenda. i have posted here a couple of times and some other forums, but gotten very little response.

[thir]

With regard to chat and cyber I was very good at impersonating a female sub and had lots of fun and many hours with an erection teasing myself for as long as possible, one handed typing gets better with practice.

Hope everyone enjoys their submission and domination.
Deepest respects
James

Did you do this impersonating because you cannot get answers as a male sub?

[thamlin]

i am a male sub and i am gay and trying to find a a Male Dom is proving hard anybody have any tips

[thir]

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

That is also my experience.

[voxelectronica]

In my experience....

I've found that even male Doms message me from time to time wanting to switch. They end up admitting that they feel more comfortable with a switch as well.

Also I only talk to people who are interested in only actually submitting. So, I haven't encountered this idea of scripting so much.

What I think is the culprit to this phenomena?

I think it's two fold. People I talk to aren't to keen on being "found out" and consider this part of them to be very *very* private and aren't keen on setting up even an online persona. Though some will get themselves out there via more profile driven websites they don't make it a point to share their opinions.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

[dave]

I think many male subs are poor communicators, but i enjoy chat and getting to know someone. I tend to have pretty good relations with the people online. and i thank you all for your posts. If you want to be sucessful with any of the real Dommes here, you better learn how to communicate.
dave

[Keane]

I think many male subs are poor communicators, but i enjoy chat and getting to know someone. I tend to have pretty good relations with the people online. and i thank you all for your posts. If you want to be sucessful with any of the real Dommes here, you better learn how to communicate.
dave

I agree on that....

[Ozme52]

In my experience....

I've found that even male Doms message me from time to time wanting to switch. They end up admitting that they feel more comfortable with a switch as well.

Also I only talk to people who are interested in only actually submitting. So, I haven't encountered this idea of scripting so much.

What I think is the culprit to this phenomena?

I think it's two fold. People I talk to aren't to keen on being "found out" and consider this part of them to be very *very* private and aren't keen on setting up even an online persona. Though some will get themselves out there via more profile driven websites they don't make it a point to share their opinions.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

I think, rather than being a communication thing, it's a control thing. In our society, boys are taught to lead and be in control... so even the "submissive" ones come expecting to "lead". The "script" is actually the fantasy they want fulfilled... not a script per se.

We're missing the point... it's easily described if a female sub tries this... we just don't think to apply the words to male subs who are in fact, Topping from the bottom.

[dwarfeedick(sub F/m)]

Hi , I'm relatively new here- I truly believe the female is superior to the male in so many ways. I don't want to demand anything- what the Dommes says goes- All subs have certain needs too and a good Domme is able to meet those needs without the sub topping from the bottom- important to build a good relationship before truly committing- this way each knows the other and can be satified- It is always important to meet the needs of the Domme as a priority, because they ARE the Dominant and it should be all about them. Submissives are able to satify the Domme much more when their having a need met, whether through humiliation which is my major key to subspace or whatever. May 2005 is my joining date but I have participated little till now.

[voxelectronica]

LOL Dixie! It is pretty bad.

There is scientific evidence that the male and female brain are mapped differently for different tasks. Communication just seems to be our thing.

It is incredibly frustrating to go to someones profile anywhere and see nothing. Not even the slightest hint at an interest. I've taken to asking people why they messaged me. What part of *My* profile they found intriguing just to get a basic understanding. On another site I'm very open about gender fluidity as it's important to me in a BDSM sense so I delete *any* message that has female indicators in it as it's clear they didn't read my profile.

As much shit as I do give male subs. The ones I do talk to are awesome people and I wish they would come here and post here. I do wish that there was more communication than "I'm a male sub... yay". I also do think the lack of participation in the community kinda hurts them in quality too. (from time to time and person to person).

[Ozme52]

LOL Dixie! It is pretty bad.

There is scientific evidence that the male and female brain are mapped differently for different tasks. Communication just seems to be our thing.

I'll give you that, grudgingly. LOL.

So it comes easier to women, but I know for a fact, that when an effort to be open and communicate is made by a man, women appreciate it and respond to it.

I can only assume that submissive men would do as well by opening up more to dommes, but I don't have any first hand experience from that perspective.

[voxelectronica]

I'll give you that, grudgingly. LOL.

She blinded me with science!

[Ozme52]

she blinded me with science!

[James2024]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

[voxelectronica]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

awww well we love you!

[thir]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

By whom especially?

Back in Denmark I was a member of a club where the male subs were definitely under pressure from the male doms. I am not sure why, except they (the doms) seemed personally threatened by them for some reason, and it came out as contempt. We had special evenings for male subs and fem doms for that reason - among others ;-))

This is a club that put great store on having equal numbers of fem doms and male doms and fem subs and male subs. Go figure..

[Ozme52]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

I think that's a self-imposed perspective.

Switches seem to think it too, but that may be mostly the male switches.

What that tells me there is still some feelings of guilt about wanting to be in the submissive role. But the women who feel guilty about giving up on feminism, learn there is room to be both, and get over it. Submissive men should take that as a lesson.

And as far as being "freakish", well, let me tell you, that in the real world, the most despised people are the "abusers" and to the vanillas, that translates to the dominant males.

Any of us can say "woe is me." But it isn't very attractive. I suspect that male subs who just keep posting and presenting themselves will get all the attention they can handle from the dommes they're looking for. It just takes time.

I was on the forum for well over a year, with thousands of posts, before I started making the connections I wanted. It just takes patience and persistance.

[numenor]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

Just my thoughts…
That is possible, but the female Doms that I know who have male collars don't feel that way. I like to think that I don't feel that way either, I am not sure that I have consciously thought of any submissive as doing "something wrong" I am not sure that I can relate directly. However, I think others have the key to it - that the dearth of communication provides no approach vector to engage in polite or maybe not so polite conversation. When you talk to someone it is much easier to ask questions and query responses, which implicitly provide positive feedback to the person that you are talking to (the "Yes, I am listening to you, and I want to know what you think/feel/want" effect). Without that interplay male subs may not feel welcomed to most conversations and having the desire combined with the fear of not being accepted just go looking elsewhere. This is compounded by the perceived lack of presence of male subs in the forums (which is not accurate there seems to be lots who post to the intro area) while there appears to be a plethora of female subs (I believe the fem subs have their own subforum – not an attack just an observation). If I miss my mark that Womb subforum is run by/for fem subs while the male subs don’t support each other… yet another example of “male non-communicativeness”.

There may be another psychological effect occurring, with more self identified male subs who want a highly scripted play with no deviation being more willing to speak up and approach, because that is safe and known to them instead of unknown regardless of their deeper desires to be dominated.

I do know that many people have a hard time communicating and perceive many comments as negative when those very comments could be construed as either constructive or neutral.
Jay

[Tufty]

Ah, the 'lack of male subs' thing...something that I've often thought about since joining this place.

Dave thinks that many male subs are 'poor communicators?' Oh dear...so what does that say about male subs??? Does that mean that male doesn't communicate well because he is submissive - or are we talking about males in general?????????

James2024 said that "...The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong."

Erm...I have NEVER had that feeling here - in fact, quite the opposite!

Jeanne said "...I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

Yes, there have certainly been a few male subs that have joined and they do seem to vanish fairly quickly. I have only ever spoken with one male sub in chat (I don't go there often, either) and this guy certainly seemed to out to fulfill his fantasies

I agree that many will see FemDom as a fantasy - and I do know of one Domme that has become so pissed off with being contacted by male submissives asking if she will do this and that - and she now simply doesn't bother to reply to PMs!

I do agree with Dixie Lass to a certain extent that the male subs coming here tend not to post much information in their profiles. I smiled when I saw her comment about the introductions; "...Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Every time I see an intro like that, it just makes my eyes roll and I think to myself, "Oh no, not another one!" What happened to 'getting to know people' - or don't folk bother with things like that these days? I suppose thats where the communication thing comes in

Is it the stereotypical 'Macho' thing as well? While it may be OK in fantasy to be dominated by a female, the majority of males wouldn't admit to it.