Male submissives

[moonlitsub]

I tried this way last time and it kind of got washed away with no response. I haven't been on the forum much because holidays are starting up and people have to eat but it seems like from what I've seen there aren't very many male submissives it is that or they don't go on the forum much. But I always hear how there are so many male submissives and so few female dominants that makes me wonder how many are actual submissives or just guys thinking they can get easy sex. How many are truly masochistic, how many love bondage. I just wonder feel free to place input or let this thread die also.

[jeanne]

I hope you get more response this time. (BTW - good to see you here! )

I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

[voxelectronica]

In my experience....

I've found that even male Doms message me from time to time wanting to switch. They end up admitting that they feel more comfortable with a switch as well.

Also I only talk to people who are interested in only actually submitting. So, I haven't encountered this idea of scripting so much.

What I think is the culprit to this phenomena?

I think it's two fold. People I talk to aren't to keen on being "found out" and consider this part of them to be very *very* private and aren't keen on setting up even an online persona. Though some will get themselves out there via more profile driven websites they don't make it a point to share their opinions.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

[dave]

I think many male subs are poor communicators, but i enjoy chat and getting to know someone. I tend to have pretty good relations with the people online. and i thank you all for your posts. If you want to be sucessful with any of the real Dommes here, you better learn how to communicate.
dave

[DIXIE LASS]

I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

It also seems to me that they post intros and then disappear. And lately it seems like there are an ever increasing number of male subs joining and posting those intros and even reposting intros a few weeks later. But they get no replies except the usual "welcome" ones and if you visit their page they have neither visitor messages nor friends. This leads me to believe that there are so few Dommes that they get no hits and just gradually fade away. Jeanne may be right about the chat rooms but I don't go there either so I don't know.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

Dittos. Men in general are very poor communicators. A common occurance is this: First, we are treated with the mind-boggling news of, "Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Unoriginal, unexciting, unexceptional, dull, stale..........and so on. Then, we go visit their profile page and we are overwhelmed and brought to our knees with the enlightening and refreshing information that they are: "Male". "Submissive". If we get really, really lucky that day we might discover that they are located in "No Where".

What????? Do they think they are paying by the word? I'm not a Domme but if I were this sure wouldn't attract my attention.

Moonlitsub, the answer is probably a combination of the above.

DIXIE

[dave]

I couldn't agree more with all the above!
dave

[voxelectronica]

LOL Dixie! It is pretty bad.

There is scientific evidence that the male and female brain are mapped differently for different tasks. Communication just seems to be our thing.

It is incredibly frustrating to go to someones profile anywhere and see nothing. Not even the slightest hint at an interest. I've taken to asking people why they messaged me. What part of *My* profile they found intriguing just to get a basic understanding. On another site I'm very open about gender fluidity as it's important to me in a BDSM sense so I delete *any* message that has female indicators in it as it's clear they didn't read my profile.

As much shit as I do give male subs. The ones I do talk to are awesome people and I wish they would come here and post here. I do wish that there was more communication than "I'm a male sub... yay". I also do think the lack of participation in the community kinda hurts them in quality too. (from time to time and person to person).

[James2024]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

[voxelectronica]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

awww well we love you!

[Tufty]

Ah, the 'lack of male subs' thing...something that I've often thought about since joining this place.

Dave thinks that many male subs are 'poor communicators?' Oh dear...so what does that say about male subs??? Does that mean that male doesn't communicate well because he is submissive - or are we talking about males in general?????????

James2024 said that "...The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong."

Erm...I have NEVER had that feeling here - in fact, quite the opposite!

Jeanne said "...I have noticed many male subs posting introductions, but then they seem to disappear. I have no idea why - thay may be joining in order to access the library chat rooms. I don't visit there so I don't know that for a fact.

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

Yes, there have certainly been a few male subs that have joined and they do seem to vanish fairly quickly. I have only ever spoken with one male sub in chat (I don't go there often, either) and this guy certainly seemed to out to fulfill his fantasies

I agree that many will see FemDom as a fantasy - and I do know of one Domme that has become so pissed off with being contacted by male submissives asking if she will do this and that - and she now simply doesn't bother to reply to PMs!

I do agree with Dixie Lass to a certain extent that the male subs coming here tend not to post much information in their profiles. I smiled when I saw her comment about the introductions; "...Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Every time I see an intro like that, it just makes my eyes roll and I think to myself, "Oh no, not another one!" What happened to 'getting to know people' - or don't folk bother with things like that these days? I suppose thats where the communication thing comes in

Is it the stereotypical 'Macho' thing as well? While it may be OK in fantasy to be dominated by a female, the majority of males wouldn't admit to it.

[Little Man]

Personally I find the dearth of male submissives rather sad. I know that we are out there, but we struggle to come out and do more than grunt a "hello". I am heartened to see some in this thread. I am not alone! LOL.

I don't think that I am a freak, but I do think that some people see a male sub and think "only wants to get his rocks off and no commitment". I guess that those people do exist. I am perhaps a little odd because I am in an LDR, no sex with my Dominant, just the ubiquitous mind fuck. Being submissive answers a need for me, it is part of my lifestyle, but isn't my entire life (unfortunately). I don't see too many others like me and that may, in part, keep me more of a lurker than a participant.

[Pearlgem]

Now you come to mention it...I guess you don't see that many male subs around here beyond the introductions. And now that you've pointed it out...you don't see that many contributing to the forums. And are they really...looked down on as misunderstood manipulative freaks?

So, all you male subs out there. Come and talk to us. Let us get to know you.

[yama]

So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

It is a very interesting thread, I have learned a lot from the posts, having read each of them. There is an expression: "In my humble opinion." Well, my dears, my opinion wants to be truly humble. I am new, young and unexperienced. Please don't hesitate to correct me, I want to be really docile.

I am neither a male sub nor a Domme. But my submission became reality when I found somebody that was ready to fulfil my secret fantasies. I found another girl whom I was able to have long, intimate talks with, and, first time in my life, I was able to reveal my masochistic fantasies. To my surprise, she expressed, very shyly, her readiness to humiliate and torture me. This talk ended up with my getting topless and her whipping my breasts and back with the strap of her bag. Since that it has been continuing on this line. She doesn't tell me what dresses to wear, but she takes the whip and tells me to strip naked and grab my ankles, and I obey. I can express it so that we are not in D/S relationship, only in S/M, sadist/masochist relationship. She fulfils my fantasies, and I fulfil her fantasies. It was surprising when she first told me to open my mouth and then she spat into my mouth, but I swallowed her spit without hesitation and thanked her. I have a strong experience of being humiliated, without being regulated in my every step.

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

Please, please, understand me, I ask really humbly, it is not irony at all. I am ready to be corrected. Thank you for your kind attention.

[Flaming_Redhead]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

[thir]

Now comes my opinion. I have talked to a couple of Dommes - and they say that often males subs have a very specific script for the Domme to follow. The Dommes said that was incredibly irritating, and they do not want anything to do with that. So maybe some male subs are more into having fantasies fulfilled than actually submitting to another.

That is also my experience.

[thir]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

By whom especially?

Back in Denmark I was a member of a club where the male subs were definitely under pressure from the male doms. I am not sure why, except they (the doms) seemed personally threatened by them for some reason, and it came out as contempt. We had special evenings for male subs and fem doms for that reason - among others ;-))

This is a club that put great store on having equal numbers of fem doms and male doms and fem subs and male subs. Go figure..

[thir]

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

No, absolutely not. IMO there is not way that is better than another, even if you'll meet people who'll say that their particular way is the way not just for them, but for eveyone. Just ignore them ;-) The point is that the people in question are happy.

And that is where the problem may be. If, for instance, one of the partners is not honest about what he/she wants - say the have the fantasy of wanting to be a slave, but do not what to do this in reality. This is ok and what many want, but should be said openly, as many people waste time and energy and eventually their hopes of finding a good matching partner because they have to go through so many people who do not admit what they are really after.

The other problem that can arise is that in some cases the sub just want his/her needs met, without having anything to offer.
I am sorry to say this, but I have also encountered subs, male subs mostly, who saw me as some sort of tool to satisfy them, not as a partner in a relationship who also happens to want something out of the whole thing.

That said, this is of course not to mean all male subs, I have met some truly wonderful subs as well :-)

[thir]

I tried this way last time and it kind of got washed away with no response. I haven't been on the forum much because holidays are starting up and people have to eat but it seems like from what I've seen there aren't very many male submissives it is that or they don't go on the forum much. But I always hear how there are so many male submissives and so few female dominants that makes me wonder how many are actual submissives or just guys thinking they can get easy sex. How many are truly masochistic, how many love bondage. I just wonder feel free to place input or let this thread die also.

Ups, I should have read more of the thread before answering - a lot of 'bad press' here..and I have repeated what is already said which is not necessary.
So let me once again say that as a domme I obviously appreciate the existence of male subs a lot ;-)) and would definitely welcome much more input from you all!

[fetishdj]

In my experience, it is not just the subs but also the so called Doms. There are, I think, just as many 'Doms' who go into chatrooms and try to 'dominate' any woman who is in there with such sterling lines as 'Bow down before me, bitch' which is rarely preceeded by even a cursory 'hello' to the room, never mind the Dominant lady he is talking to who was just having an interesting and rather vanilla chat with their long term online sub...

I think the problem (if it may be seen as such, personally I don't) in this site is that we have intelligent and insightful posts and the successful Dom/mes and subs are those who participate in discussions in intelligent and insightful ways. Some men come here looking for a quick, dirty shag or a bit of online play and, finding nothing but discussions on everything from politics and religion to 'what is a sub', get bored and wander off elsewhere.

At least I hope this is the case otherwise my whole strategy for getting a quick, dirty shag is useless (and I have been pursuing it for several years so far, success may not be far ahead... )

The chatroom from what I have seen is not populated by these missing subs. Most of those I see in the chatroom are those who also post in the forums and there are usually more female subs than males (but then this was originally a very Male Dom/fem sub orientated site, though us 'femdom wierdoes are creeping in now).

[Pearlgem]

I think the problem (if it may be seen as such, personally I don't) in this site is that we have intelligent and insightful posts and the successful Dom/mes and subs are those who participate in discussions in intelligent and insightful ways. Some men come here looking for a quick, dirty shag or a bit of online play and, finding nothing but discussions on everything from politics and religion to 'what is a sub', get bored and wander off elsewhere.

At least I hope this is the case otherwise my whole strategy for getting a quick, dirty shag is useless (and I have been pursuing it for several years so far, success may not be far ahead... )

Never give up hope, fetish! Your dirty little secret's safe with... ah, um, you may just have blown it. All those years on here as a mole just waiting for an innocent newbie and the right moment...

Curses!

[fetishdj]

Damn... foiled again.... Now I will have to delete you all!

[DaveAM]

Hi - As a male sub i joined this site a couple of months ago. While i have looked around the site i spend most of my time in the tasking arena. I originally said the 'hello' thing and was welcome by a number of people. But other than the tasking i have not been involved with other aspects of the site. i have gone to chat rooms a couple of times but spent my time there as an observer - trying to find out who's talking to who. i find it fairly confusing. When i have more time i would like to chat - but i'm not sure i'll ever be comfortable in a chat room with 18 people talking and i don't know who's talking to who. maybe i can participate in these forums more where at least everyone is talking about the same topic. - Just adding my 2 cents. Thanks.

[Pearlgem]

Dave, honestly I feel the same about the chat room. It makes me dizzy. The forums are where you really get to know people and express yourself so give it a good go. I'm sure you'll get on better there and feel more part of the community. See you around x x

[Pearlgem]

Damn... foiled again.... Now I will have to delete you all!

You'll never get away wi

[Ozme52]

In my experience....

I've found that even male Doms message me from time to time wanting to switch. They end up admitting that they feel more comfortable with a switch as well.

Also I only talk to people who are interested in only actually submitting. So, I haven't encountered this idea of scripting so much.

What I think is the culprit to this phenomena?

I think it's two fold. People I talk to aren't to keen on being "found out" and consider this part of them to be very *very* private and aren't keen on setting up even an online persona. Though some will get themselves out there via more profile driven websites they don't make it a point to share their opinions.

I also think (and this may get me in trouble) that a lot of men aren't communicators. Going into a forum is a very social communication type thing and it's simply not what appeals to men. Though there are of course exceptions to this. I think that's a factor.

I think, rather than being a communication thing, it's a control thing. In our society, boys are taught to lead and be in control... so even the "submissive" ones come expecting to "lead". The "script" is actually the fantasy they want fulfilled... not a script per se.

We're missing the point... it's easily described if a female sub tries this... we just don't think to apply the words to male subs who are in fact, Topping from the bottom.

[Ozme52]

LOL Dixie! It is pretty bad.

There is scientific evidence that the male and female brain are mapped differently for different tasks. Communication just seems to be our thing.

I'll give you that, grudgingly. LOL.

So it comes easier to women, but I know for a fact, that when an effort to be open and communicate is made by a man, women appreciate it and respond to it.

I can only assume that submissive men would do as well by opening up more to dommes, but I don't have any first hand experience from that perspective.

[Ozme52]

The simple answer is that even in a community that is suppose to be open minded us male submissive are often totally misunderstood. we are looked at as freaks as if we are doing something wrong

I think that's a self-imposed perspective.

Switches seem to think it too, but that may be mostly the male switches.

What that tells me there is still some feelings of guilt about wanting to be in the submissive role. But the women who feel guilty about giving up on feminism, learn there is room to be both, and get over it. Submissive men should take that as a lesson.

And as far as being "freakish", well, let me tell you, that in the real world, the most despised people are the "abusers" and to the vanillas, that translates to the dominant males.

Any of us can say "woe is me." But it isn't very attractive. I suspect that male subs who just keep posting and presenting themselves will get all the attention they can handle from the dommes they're looking for. It just takes time.

I was on the forum for well over a year, with thousands of posts, before I started making the connections I wanted. It just takes patience and persistance.

[Ozme52]

Ah, the 'lack of male subs' thing...something that I've often thought about since joining this place.

Dave thinks that many male subs are 'poor communicators?' Oh dear...so what does that say about male subs??? Does that mean that male doesn't communicate well because he is submissive - or are we talking about males in general?????????

-------------(in response to the "freak" comment)

Erm...I have NEVER had that feeling here - in fact, quite the opposite!

-------------(in response to the "intro and done" comment)

Yes, there have certainly been a few male subs that have joined and they do seem to vanish fairly quickly. I have only ever spoken with one male sub in chat (I don't go there often, either) and this guy certainly seemed to out to fulfill his fantasies

I agree that many will see FemDom as a fantasy - and I do know of one Domme that has become so pissed off with being contacted by male submissives asking if she will do this and that - and she now simply doesn't bother to reply to PMs!

I do agree with Dixie Lass to a certain extent that the male subs coming here tend not to post much information in their profiles. I smiled when I saw her comment about the introductions; "...Hello. I am submissive and I want a woman to dominate me and beat me up. Call me." Every time I see an intro like that, it just makes my eyes roll and I think to myself, "Oh no, not another one!" What happened to 'getting to know people' - or don't folk bother with things like that these days? I suppose thats where the communication thing comes in

Is it the stereotypical 'Macho' thing as well? While it may be OK in fantasy to be dominated by a female, the majority of males wouldn't admit to it.

Exactly my points Tufty. You're the perfect example of a submissive male who makes his way through these forums just fine. As I said, patience and persistance.

[voxelectronica]

So after reading this all I have to say is OMG!

I never realized that I was *lucky*. My first encounter with a male sub was what made me be a switch because *he* was that good. He would say things like "i like it when you do this, what else do you want?"... the entire thing was almost... innocent in nature.

I'm still very selective to who I talk to and wont engage in conversation that's at all sexual in nature until *I* choose to make that the topic. So far my lucks been pretty good with this approach. I would however love it, if there were more male subs who contributed to the site.

I am leaning towards Fetish's idea as another contributing factor though.

[Ozme52]

It is a very interesting thread, I have learned a lot from the posts, having read each of them. There is an expression: "In my humble opinion." Well, my dears, my opinion wants to be truly humble. I am new, young and unexperienced. Please don't hesitate to correct me, I want to be really docile.

I am neither a male sub nor a Domme. But my submission became reality when I found somebody that was ready to fulfil my secret fantasies. I found another girl whom I was able to have long, intimate talks with, and, first time in my life, I was able to reveal my masochistic fantasies. To my surprise, she expressed, very shyly, her readiness to humiliate and torture me. This talk ended up with my getting topless and her whipping my breasts and back with the strap of her bag. Since that it has been continuing on this line. She doesn't tell me what dresses to wear, but she takes the whip and tells me to strip naked and grab my ankles, and I obey. I can express it so that we are not in D/S relationship, only in S/M, sadist/masochist relationship. She fulfils my fantasies, and I fulfil her fantasies. It was surprising when she first told me to open my mouth and then she spat into my mouth, but I swallowed her spit without hesitation and thanked her. I have a strong experience of being humiliated, without being regulated in my every step.

I ask, humbly: is it wrong if somebody wants his/her fantasies fulfilled?

Please, please, understand me, I ask really humbly, it is not irony at all. I am ready to be corrected. Thank you for your kind attention.

No, of course not. That's what we all desire. But it is, imo, appropriate that the dominant directs how and when the submissive's desires get realized.

Our roles are different, and complementary.