Quote Originally Posted by Sir_Russell View Post
Anyone that has taken my hard limit questionaire hopefully learned something about themselves. I have found that subs set a lot of hard limits that are areas that they secretly want to go. I bet that I am not the only Dom that has had this experience.
Quote Originally Posted by his_j View Post
Filling out the limits questionnaire knowing that no one would ever actually use it is a whole different animal than filling it out because you have been told to, for the purposes of your One's knowledge. It's a lot harder to be completely open and honest - and very tempting to set some items as hard limits because admitting that you want them or at least would be willing to do them if He did is just plain embarrassing.
Ok, people, I am reading this and just shaking my head. Sir Russell, I am absolutely positive that you have had an experience where a sub was not totally honest with you because most people lie. However, I am an intelligent, honest and sexually confident person. I happen to know what the meaning is of "hard limit" versus "soft limit," and I also know what my hard limits are. The chance of them changing is zero percent. For anyone to push them is not only insulting but very untrustworthy behavior. All I can say is thank goodness my Dom and I have the same hard limits, so we will not be doing or even discussing doing any watersports, scat, kid porn, etc.

That being said, his_j, what people need to realize is that by not being honest about what you know you like, might like and just plain abhor, you are severely limiting the experiences you could potentially have. When you set something down as a "hard limit," you are saying, "Don't go there EVER. I don't like this at all. If you do this to me, I will be traumatized, and the relationship will end effective immediately." I have a difficult time believing that there are people out there who are so sexually repressed that they can't admit to their significant other that they want to try anal sex (for example). *rme* If you're filling out a BDSM checklist for a Dom/me, you've already admitted to being a "pervert."