Dirty Words

[Flaming_Redhead]

When I refer to someone as a "doormat," I am referring to someone that does not strive to embrace their submission, but defers to it becuase they just don't feel worthy to be anything else. To me, that is an insult to submission and many submissives. Submission is a level of service and personality, not the default reaction to low self-esteem.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I had not strived to embrace submission because of low self-esteem, meaning I wanted nothing to do with being submissive since I felt that it had only gotten me mistreated. People defer to abuse because they don't feel worthy of anything else. I'm sorry that you feel people with submissive personalities who are victims of abuse are an insult. According to dictionary.com, submission is defined as an act or instance of submitting, the condition of having submitted, or submissive conduct or attitude. I fail to see how this means anyone is exalted for their service and personality or somehow doesn't meet the definition because of low self-esteem. It is what it is whether it's good or bad.

I'm not sure I would say that. My submission to J was special to him because it was something very few people would or could ever get from me. It was exclusive. It made him feel special to recieve something unique. It made me feel the same way to give it.

The point I was trying to make was that these dominants seem to be inferring that they care more about what potential skills, property, or money one can bring to the relationship than how submissive or willing to please someone is. This leads me to believe that they do not wish to invest a great deal of their resources to train or care for this person they're looking for to serve them. If I had what they were looking for, they would be the last one to get it.

Again, I think it's a matter of exclusivity - the desire to be needed by someone who doesn't need simply for the sake of it - they (the Dominant)are wanted for something very special that only they can seem to provide for the submissive.

Believe me, the people who need it realize how very special it is.

I need a bit of clarification here as well... When you say "she's to be nothing more than a fetch-and-carry when she gets home," I sense a little of the same predjudice that this post seems to be appealing against. I myself don't care for the phrase "nothing more than."

Good catch! Yes, I have been struggling with the same prejudice, even against myself. Probably especially against myself.

I don't know if "need" is a dirty word, but "choice" is indeed a beautiful one. If it weren't an issue of choice and simply one of need, I guess the specifics of our partners wouldn't be an issue. We could all just line up as Doms and subs and pair off.

For example, I need to eat. But I choose what I like, I choose to take time to prepare it and serve it, or I choose not to care. If I just answered the need I could eat dirt and get by.

I guess I wasn't being very clear about choice versus need. There are people in this lifestyle who would be perfectly happy without it. There are others who would be miserable. As as person who needs dominance, I could not submit to someone unless they needed my submission to be happy. That's my choice. Why would I submit to someone who may decide one day that he's had enough and doesn't want to be in control anymore?

I certainly hope that because I am who I am, I don't act like I am better than anyone else. I will admit though, I do worry about the safety of subs that sub to anyone and anything, and I worry about the Masters that seek out a sub that will be collared without any type of criteria for the one that collars her. Those are the "doormats" to me and it's scary how easily they can be damaged and taken advantage of.

Everyone, I think, should have enough respect for themselves and their role to be the best sub or Dom or whatever they can be. If you're subbing because you think you have no value and that's what you deserve, I simply see a problem.

I personally don't know anyone like that. On the contrary, people who are very submissive worry about finding the right master and worry about being taken advantage of because it's so easy to do. For me, once someone has gotten into my heart, it's very hard to assert myself. I also don't know anyone who is into the lifestyle because they're actively looking for an abuser. If anything, they come here hoping to find a healthy outlet for their needs.