Married/online D/s?

[cookiecat]

My very first d/s online (and very first ever) relationship was with a married man. (I am single but have been married) We discussed this often - he did not consider it cheating UNTIL he got caught. How can "playing" or just talking be cheating? But as time goes on, how can you not be handing someone your heart along with your orgasms!?

Losing this relationship was hard but knowing I was the "other woman" was even more devastating - and kind of icky. Although I wouldn't take away the experience it has definitely changed me. I realize it was my choice to be involved in this situation but that brick wall around my heart is stronger than ever.

My question to those with spouses/partners who are unaware of this situation is: how would you feel if you knew your partner were doing the same things you are doing here or in IM?

I hope I don't sound judgemental because I really am not. Every situation is different. I'm here because the people in this forum are an open-minded bunch...hopefully me included!

I have read that some of you have tried to approach your partner to incorporate this in to your real life. These desires are strong. Some of us believe we can love more than one person in life. Do we share our heart, body, mind with more than one person? And how would I feel if I knew my partner were sharing a part of himself with someone else that was so important, so intimate?

Sighs. It's an interesting question and I envy those who have clear-cut opinions either way. Trust is an essential part of any relationship r/l or online and it's certainly something that is earned. Done rambling....will continue listening since it's so very interesting to hear all sides.

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

My question to those with spouses/partners who are unaware of this situation is: how would you feel if you knew your partner were doing the same things you are doing here or in IM?

I hope I don't sound judgemental because I really am not. Every situation is different. I'm here because the people in this forum are an open-minded bunch...hopefully me included!

.

First I’d slap him up side the head with a magazine (all right no I wouldn't, but I’d want too) and ask him.

Why did you belittle me when I shared my most intimate fantasy of this with you?

Why do you tell me you have a headache when I crawl up the bed and lick your thigh?

Why do you take any “please let’s try this” as a “Your not good enough.”

Why am I never good enough?

I could go on awhile but that is the basics.
I believe what I am doing here is keeping me from exploding. I know I’m guilty, but honestly I don’t feel guilty. I feel like this is the bandage for my marriage. I don’t harass him for sex, I don’t beg for hugs that are as satisfying as hugging a telephone pole. I'm waiting this period of our life out, and I hope I'm patient enough to win because in general this man is the best husband a woman could ask for, he's just in a stressfull, yucky period in his life.

It’s so hard not to judge. I do it myself everyday. I must admit in the last 5 years so many perceptions have changed. Who would ever believe that I would be come a prolific porn writer, an exhibitionist, and a person with so many wonderful friends I’ll never meet?

Sending Giggly hugs out in all directions.

[Warbaby1943]

First I’d slap him up side the head with a magazine (all right no I wouldn't, but I’d want too) and ask him.

Why did you belittle me when I shared my most intimate fantasy of this with you?

Why do you tell me you have a headache when I crawl up the bed and lick your thigh?

Why do you take any “please let’s try this” as a “Your not good enough.”

Why am I never good enough?

I could go on awhile but that is the basics.
I believe what I am doing here is keeping me from exploding. I know I’m guilty, but honestly I don’t feel guilty. I feel like this is the bandage for my marriage. I don’t harass him for sex, I don’t beg for hugs that are as satisfying as hugging a telephone pole. I'm waiting this period of our life out, and I hope I'm patient enough to win because in general this man is the best husband a woman could ask for, he's just in a stressfull, yucky period in his life.

It’s so hard not to judge. I do it myself everyday. I must admit in the last 5 years so many perceptions have changed. Who would ever believe that I would be come a prolific porn writer, an exhibitionist, and a person with so many wonderful friends I’ll never meet?

Sending Giggly hugs out in all directions.

Sbbe, I love your honesty and I agree with you that you need not feel guilty. Keep up all your trying with him and someday it will all work out, I'm sure.

[cookiecat]

sbbe & warbaby - thanks for your replies. i really hope i didn't come off as so judgemental when i originally posted the question; i know my feelings at the time i posted the question were affected by my experience.

being new here, it's very insightful to hear other experiences & other points of view & i appreciate the honesty.

everyone deserves love in their lives & how we choose to find love & nuture it is what makes us each different.

cookie

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

sbbe & warbaby - thanks for your replies. i really hope i didn't come off as so judgemental when i originally posted the question; i know my feelings at the time i posted the question were affected by my experience.

cookie

Thanks Cookie
I didn't feel judged. I did feel that maybe I could explain a little better what is going around in my head. I know I'm not the only one here in the same situation.

I'm finding that talking this out, seeing how people react is really helping me see with a clarity I had not been able to achieve on my own.

It is very strange to me that posting my most personal thoughts here for the world to see has made it possible for me to see my life a bit less emotionally. It’s amazing how you end up chasing your tail after awhile.

[Warbaby1943]

sbbe & warbaby - thanks for your replies. i really hope i didn't come off as so judgemental when i originally posted the question; i know my feelings at the time i posted the question were affected by my experience.

being new here, it's very insightful to hear other experiences & other points of view & i appreciate the honesty.

everyone deserves love in their lives & how we choose to find love & nuture it is what makes us each different.

cookie

cookie,

You have every right to your opinion and I only tried to answer it as honestly as I possibly could. I really didn't think of you as being judgmental at all. Again, it was your true and honest opinion as far as I was concerned.

I know 2 months ago I never would have believed I'd be in love with anyone on line but it happened. I also know that no matter what, I will never be willing to give up Aussiegirl unless she would request that I do so for her happiness.

I for one appreciated both yours and Tojo's questions. It gave me an opportunity to speak my mind on an excellent subject which we all should give serious consideration to.

Keep up the excellent posts is all I can say.

[Aussiegirl1]

I know 2 months ago I never would have believed I'd be in love with anyone on line but it happened. I also know that no matter what, I will never be willing to give up Aussiegirl unless she would request that I do so for her happiness.

Thanks honey,

I too have been amazed at the changes that this year has brought to me. I have never been happier.