Quote Originally Posted by isabeau6 View Post
how can you tell a player from the real thing???

isabeau
This is such a good question and one that is of utmost importance when new to this life (I am too). Rather that looking for someone to play with or a relationship, I am part of this community to learn (and hopefully make some friends like me). But, I too want to learn from those who really know what they're talking about and are real in their dominance or submission, rather than just playing at it or pretending. Here's what I've been doing:
o/l -
I try to read all the posts - I know, almost impossible! - and have found those who I believe and those I don't. There are many people on this site who I have never chatted with, whose posts I have never responded to, but I respect them and their knowledge and their dominance or submission and look forward to reading their posts. I feel like they are people that, if I had a question or concern and asked for their advice, they would give me their best answer, based on real life/experience. Then, like in any community, there are those who I would never rely on for information/advice. They just don't come across, over a period of time, as real.
r/l -
I've begun to participate in a very limited way with my local BDSM community - munch attendance, submissives' get-togethers - and find that just watching people tells me a lot. Are they comfortable in their skin? Are they open and friendly? Do they pay attention to the one they are interacting with or are their eyes and body language wandering all over the place? Particularly in a dominant, it seems important to know that they pay attention to what's going on right in front of them. I'd certainly hate to be whipped by someone who is thinking about his taxes, children, the submissive he met last night...rather than me and only me.

Of course, the standard advice (and most valuable) is ask! If you are thinking about playing with someone, ask others about them. Then ask some more people! You truly can never have too much information in this situation.

Much luck in your search - I hope you find the dominant of your dreams (or nightmares, as the case may be)