Why do most subs come with an abused background? Don't abuse them

[Flaming_Redhead]

[QUOTE=jiggy;337555]

From my extensive experience as a Dom I have come across so many subs that had been abused , physically, sexually earlier in their life. It saddens me to think that such a very high proportion of subs or wanna be subs come from an abused background.

I don't know what constitutes a "high proportion" of subs who have been abused, either physically or sexually. If you know of a study that differentiates between subs and vanilla women, I'd like to see it. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) statistics, every 2 1/2 minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted. One in six American women are victims of sexual assault, and one in 33 men. In 2004-2005, there were an average annual 200,780 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. About 44% of rape victims are under age 18, and 80% are under age 30.

And people wonder why BDSM gets a bad name. It saddens me more when other so called doms take advantage of this and make subs believe this should is a "normal" way of life that they have to accept- not knowing anything else.

BDSM gets a bad name because people are afraid of anything different which they don't understand. There are predators in every walk of life, from churches to bars, and everywhere in between. The lifestyle is not immune to people posing as one thing when they are really something very different.

I personally have a rule of NEVER taking on a sub that has had an abusive background. To me it is taking advantage of someone who really doen't know anything better and is susceptible to being seriously abused by so called doms for their own perverted purposes. If you know of a sub in such a horrible situation - It is YOUR responsibilty help this sub.

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. Why don't you take your own advice? If you know of a sub who has an abusive background, teach her what it means to be respected. Help her break the cycle by building up her self-esteem so that she will learn to demand respect from others rather than tolerate abuse.

I come from an abusive background. I am able to be a productive member of society. I have done a lot in spite of my past. However, I do have issues. I have struggled to come to terms with what I want/need in regards to BDSM. I came to realize that what I want/need is vastly different from what I'd experienced previously in that I expect to be loved and respected by the man I submit myself to, not treated like a dog or even worse. I didn't try to hide the fact that I have issues from VoodooMan. I wanted him to know that he was dealing with damaged goods from the beginning. He has taken me on in spite of the daunting problems he will face regarding earning my trust, getting me to open up completely to him, seeing through my defenses, etc. He is making slow progress, but it's progress nonetheless. I might eventually be normal again....NAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH *ggls* Normal people worry me!

*wanders off singing* "They say I'm crazy, but I have a good time...."