True Doms Vs Play Doms

[jeanne]

Well, maybe if you're talking physical damage... but I suspect most of you are talking emotional damage... and in that case I disagree.

Wannabe subs do far more harm to true doms than wannabe doms do to true subs. I know we'll disagree on that... but I think I know how many of you feel. You are all pretty open about how you feel when you've been hurt or disappointed. I doubt many, if any at all, of the doms open up when they've put time and effort into someone who just wasn't ready, or merely curious.

Perhaps our pain is greater because we bear it alone.

I am beginning to understand this - at first the emotional risk felt one-sided (on my side) but as time goes by I really begin to see how much it is truly a two-way street. Which is great. But yes, submissives are often very open about their feelings with each other and support each other when we hurt, whereas doms are more closed in when things go awry. They do tend, I think, to lick their wounds alone. Which is a shame.

I am with you there Oz and Tojo. Yes Lily, both tops and bottoms can have their hearts broken but in my experience Doms are always one step ahead in how much of themselves they are laying on the line, speaking emotionally rather than physically.

Dare I suggest that this is one reason why a true sub is not a doormat but is strong and nurtures her Dom. During a scene he is the one who is proactive and putting his head above the parapet, and he would not be human if he was not concerned about how he had 'performed'. Was his timing right, was he too hard, too gentle etc etc, and picking up the theme of the moment, he is the one whose poor aftercare could result in subdrop. Yes, he will make mistakes, but she can guide him away from those and tend his wounds until he is ready to rise up even stronger than before.

It was those thoughts which were behind my posts in defence of wannabe and newbie Doms. The only type of Dom I exclude from this is the truly abusive and bullying Dom, but I think that is a point which did not need making.

cariad

Yes! He takes on so much responsibility. And it is my hope that I always support him and let him know how special and important and wonderful I think he is. Expressing my appreciation and gratitude costs me nothing and gains me so much.

If there is to be blame for these things, must We not first look within to Our own errors, before going on a wannabe Dom/me, wannabe Submissive hunt?

Respectfully~SidheWolf

Amen. We must first look within. A sign of maturity, I think.