Could you go back?

[Ozme52]

I really can't answer from a sub's perspective but I can certainly answer from a human point of view. My answer would be I would hope that your marriage was based more on love for each other than on BDSM activities. If that is not the case it may have been doomed from the start. Sorry to be so blunt but I do believe that love has to be first and foremost in any marriage for it to have even a fighting chance to survive all of today's temptations.

Yes but even if one falls in love at first sight, it still grows. Based on cassie's next post...

Well of course we've been together almost 6 years and not even married two. It was probably a year anda half in before we got into bdsm. So there was defintally love there first.

She was in a D/s relationship with him for 2 1/2 years before they committed to marry. Unless they were already engaged before then, the man she made the commitment to was the man who was dominating her for 2 1/2 years.

Marriage is a partnership, a contract, but he has apparently made a unilateral decision. Though we don't know their specific vows, even the standard vows don't include 'even should he change his mind'.

I have no doubt if cassie had come here and told us that after 4 years of dating and 2 years of marriage, her vanilla husband woke up one day and declared her his slave, our advice would be he has no right to do that. If he forces you, leave. So how is this different? Do we, as lifestylers have less rights than non-lifestylers?

im truly sorry as well cassie..

i don't know if i could go back, but love should be unconditional right?

My dog gives me "unconditional love". I think it's pollyannish to impose that on humans because of an ideal we get from literature...

Sometimes we all forget when we've found someone we feel comfy, have fallen in love with, even if it is 'nilla. Everyone is different, im pretty sure i wouldnt be able to go back, once we've started and ive had my taste at being submissive, knowing that its not something that everyone cant just turn off and on...when they feel like it.


hope all works out for you, cassie...i would probably talk to him,and see where he stands on you getting a Dominant(when ur ready for that)

That would be my take... (but then I'm not a monogamist.) But it strikes me as unlikely if he has made the decision unilaterally and doesn't want to discuss it.