That is a very tough choice to make and I don't envy your position at all, cassie! I love my Master a great deal, more than I have ever loved anyone. I've known Him for 9 years, 8 of them as His sub and 7 1/2 as His wife. But I love BDSM as well. And I couldn't give that aspect of my life up. I might stay with Him as His wife, but I would not be happy in O/our sex life at all if He wanted to suddenly become vanilla. I'm afraid though, that if that did happen, the situation between U/us would deteriorate so badly that W/we would lose whatever love and desire was between U/us.

My submissive nature is not something that can be turned on and off. It's not me asking Master if W/we can turn the lights off before W/we have sex. And my need for pain doesn't work that way either. I recently admitted to myself that I HAVE to have pain before and during sex. I eroticize the pain, which is definitely nothing unusual in this lifestyle. And to think of sex without pain, just won't work for me. To imagine NOT submitting to Master, for Him NOT to dominate me, also will not work for me.

I wish W/we here had easy answers for you, cassie. W/we can't tell you what to do, of course. W/we can only make suggestions and have you make your own decision. I do hope that whatever you do decide that it is the right decision for you, that it is one that will make you happy and it won't be one that you come to regret (either way that you decide to go).