I won't naysay anything said previously. It is in fact all excellent. Communications is key.

But it is also clear part of your problem is the conflict in yourself between what was and what you want to be.

May I suggest some introspection to help you subdue the inner conflict between what you want and what you were brought up to believe about your place in life... that you can't serve and be equal. (A false premise btw, but it's no doubt part of what causes you conflict. Remember, in every other walk of life, there are hierarchies of authority. It doesn't disenfranchise you of your rights nor your equality at work, to submit to those above you and to decide for those below you... why should it be an issue to submit (or dominate, whichever role you choose,) at home.)

So try this, initially alone, eventually in his presence (when you're ready to play again.)

On your knees, sitting on your haunches is fine, legs spread, hands on your thighs palms up. Head erect but eyes cast downward... or close them (when alone.) This is an excellent meditative position. Imagine your dom in the room just watching you... (did I forget it's best to be fully unclothed.) Knowing he is watching and you are 'waiting' on him and there for his pleasure.

Find your best sense of worth in providing him pleasure. Breathe deeply, in through the nose, out between pursed lips. Calm yourself if you've had a hard day. Smile inwardly imagining yourself the vehicle of his pleasure and the pleasure you yourself will derive in being so ably used.

Do this daily, more often if you find yourself conflicted... or as you find inner pleasure in being in this position. You'll find youself looking forward to it.

Yes, he needs to be understanding of your turmoil and needs to help you, you need to be understanding of it as well and need to help yourself. He really can't help you resolve it alone. It's really mostly your task.