Dating 'vanilla'

[jeanne]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful responses! A couple of things struck me - mirror what I'm feeling...

I don't even know if I'd want to date, and I am with jeanne on the whole why bother, if you know it's not going to be what you are looking for anyway.

It may be that we don't 'know'...but I'd rather start out on a basis of knowing that at least he's a Dom.

I know that poly is more to my liking and it's something I prefer over being monogamous.
I think that for me when I am alone, I'll be seeking out more people who are not vanilla and taking it from there.

Yes. Ditto here. And don't you just think that at first it will be "yay, she fucks around, I can too, this rocks!" and then "geez, I think I might love this person" and finally "hey, I love you, isn't that what you were waiting for? Now you have to stop fucking around and only be with me."

Uh, no. No I don't. I didn't say "I'm poly until the right man comes along."

I just don't even want to go there.

I want to date someone I know is Dominant first and compatible with me on other levels second.

Absolutely. Thanks for saying it so plainly!

But you know what bugs me the most about vanilla dating? It happened to me just now and then I realized that it happens on all vanilla dates that I've been on, and this, Virginia, is how I know that the men are not closet Doms - they can't take a stand on anything.

I didn't quote your entire post, rachel - but this sums it up nicely! I have spent the last 24 years with a man who refused to make a decision. Refused to organize ANYTHING! I had to choose the night, pick the restaurant, make the reservation, find the sitter, choose his clothes and then pay the bill.

NEVER FUCKING AGAIN!!!!!

...they'll all tell you that they are, guess what, Dominant. I don't reveal my desires to men that I date, but I have corresponded with men on CL who've posted interesting vanilla ads, and I've been pretty straightforward with them about what I'm looking for. And you know what? Every single one's response was pretty much, Whoa, that's HOT! But that's just because they think they get to be selfish in bed and make you clean the house too.

I'm laughing...but it's because I think it's so true. I can just hear some supposedly Dom vanilla guy's brain exploding when he gets told by his 'sub' that she is not here to wash his dirty socks, clean his nasty house, and give him a BJ, all while he watches the game, drinks beer, and farts.

I'm feeling particularly bitchy today. Sorry. I think I've had too many new experiences this weekend and It. Does. Not. Compute.

Oh my God. Big ditto here!

Just please remember to deet me all up, chickie.

Oh darlin' you know I will!