Dating 'vanilla'

[blythe spirit]

I'd LOVE to date like this, but the men I meet seem to want to head toward a "relationship" and, understandably, believe that if I see them regularly for a few months then that's where we're going.

Today I wound up, after more nonsense than I can tell you about whether the table was right, the restaurant was right, etc., etc., just like dating Goldilocks - we were waiting again for a table because the first one was not OK - anyway, I wound up walking a few blocks to another restaurant to scout whether it was quieter, while he waited for the table at restaurant 1. And during that walk I realized that this happens to me on vanilla dates ALL THE TIME. I think I mentioned that I attract passive men - but in a weird karmic sense, as all of these dates are fix-ups and I've never met the men beforehand. And some of them I have seen for quite a while, and this dynamic makes me nuts.

I usually preface the "date" with "as friends only." If they think it will lead to more, than that's their problem! It's only natural for them to "try" but one look lets them know I meant what I said. They can either take it or leave it!

The type of men, of which you speak, drive me "nuts" too. When I encounter these types, I usually get rude and end the date quickly. On the other hand, if I play my submissive self and they think "this broad can't make a frickin' decision" lol, then they don't call back so, nothing is lost.

I feel like I am missing something here.

This isn't the same as being with someone because we both enjoy golfing and the symphony.

I don't think you're missing anything, cadence. Apparently, you date men with whom you have a common interest, much as I do - friends. In the interim, you're seeking the "one" with whom you wish to connect in a BDSM fashion.

What's wrong with that? One never knows what new "friend" might offer that which you seek.