We use titles & labels because at SOME point you have to call yourself something--the problem is, people mistake a label as a description. For instance, if you want to say, "I don't really know what I am. I am exploring. I have some submissive tendencies & some Dominant ones," that's fantastic. It says you don't really know what you want yet, but you're exploring--it's a descriptor. Whereas "I am a sub" is a label, and a semi-useless one at that. Great, ok, we know you aren't strictly a Dominant. But what kind of a sub are you? A bottom? A sexual submissive? A service submissive? A 24/7 submissive? A only-under-certain-circumstances submissive? A play submissive? A submissive with switch tendencies? An alpha submissive? A bottom's submissive? A... you catch the drift, no?

By choosing to limit ourselves to silly labels, we don't have to confront the bigger issues, which is to figure out who we really are & what we want. And even more then that, labels give us something to hide behind & shield ourselves from others. We take comfort in the notion of, "I am a submissive." But what does that mean? It means nothing the same to two different people-- and THAT is the beauty of BDSM.

Grapes mentioned that she's got subs but yet subs to another. Does that make her a switch? Yup. Does that make her a sub? Yup. A dominant? Yup. It makes her GRAPES. It's what works for her. People should just embrace themselves & allow others to embrace who they are.

Personally, I classify myself with a different label depending on the audience. For people in the general forums, I would class myself differently then I would to people in r/l, or then I would to a group of Goreans or Old School folks. Why? Because labels are simply interchangable words that categorize. However, I would use the same description of myself no matter whom I am speaking with. Because it describes who I am.

Hopefully someone makes sense of this... my point is this: instead of wasting time figuring out what label you are, or what label your partner is, which is not only futile because you won't be just one, but also futile because it changes over time, why not spend the time figuring out your description.

If you look in my profile, it says "taken." Not "I am a sub/slave/switch/Dominant." Why? Because everyone knows what the word "taken" means, but no two people define any of the other words the same.

Just my two cents.