Elements of sexuality are deeply intertwined into nearly every human activity, whether it be a vanilla or a kinky pursuit. However, there is indeed a difference between something being about sex or being about having sex.

Dancing: very sexual, but it's certainly not having sex.

Fashion: elements of attraction and feminine or masculine identity, but we can and do dress "sexy" without the intent of having sex.

You get the point.

I have one partner in BDSM that I consider a sexual partner, i.e. one and only one that I would have actual intercourse with. I have other interactions within the BDSM community, however - LOTS of other interaction. To me it is a spiritual pursuit, a therapeutic pursuit, a meditative pursuit, a community pursuit, on and on and on...

I tell people that the power exchange helps me center myself, the pain is a tool of meditation. BDSM to me is the pursuit that provides the balance in my life that other people get from exercise or extreme sports or going to group counseling, whatever. It's ritualistic and soothing.

If they don't get it, well, they don't get it. *shrugs* At that point, not my issue.