Abusive Submissives

[ash_DREAMING]

I agree with Dixie; lying and deception is damaging to anyone and everyone. Though in the case of a sub lying to their Dom/me, I believe it's far more self-abusive than abusive to the Dom/me, or perhaps more abusive to the actual relationship.

The way I see it, when you lie to your partner about yourself, your thoughts, or your beliefs, you are creating a false image of yourself in their mind. In a bdsm relationship, not knowing the true version of your partner can be very dangerous, especially if the Dom/me doesn't truly know their sub. Maybe this is reading into it a little too far, but thats how I see it.

[leah06]

The way I see it, when you lie to your partner about yourself, your thoughts, or your beliefs, you are creating a false image of yourself in their mind. In a bdsm relationship, not knowing the true version of your partner can be very dangerous, especially if the Dom/me doesn't truly know their sub. Maybe this is reading into it a little too far, but thats how I see it.

What about the sub truly knowing the Dom/me? I see a lot about the necessity of full disclosure on the part of the sub, but it seems that Dom/mes are allowed, or even expected, to keep themselves to themselves. Not to lie, of course, except possibly by omission, but there's certainly less expectation of telling every little thing.

In part, I understand this. Knowledge is power, and in an unequal power relationship, there could be unequal knowledge of each other. But still, this sometimes seems to go too far, IMHO.

[jeanne]

Obviously there's all sorts of abuse - I simply focused on this particular type because it seems to never be mentioned. Here's another example of what I mean:

Suppose a submissive lost family members in a fire and has had a fear of fire ever since. When her Dom suggests fireplay, she agrees, never disclosing her experience. Then when the fireplay commences, she freaks out, starts screaming at her Dom and has a complete meltdown.

He never saw it coming and feels responsible. But in truth, she knew she had a problem with fire, and by not telling him so, she set up a possibly bad situation for them both. If she had told him "hey, this happened in my life - I'd like to try fireplay but you need to know that I may have a problem with it" then he could have been prepared for the consequences.

I think that we forget, as submissives, where our own responsibility lies to take care of ourselves and our Doms. They are not super-human. They are doing something, expressing a part of themselves, that modern society can and will condemn them for. Knowingly putting them in a situation that they will feel responsible for creating - when it is not their cross to bear - is abuse.

And yes, the self-abuse argument is true. But irrelevant to this discussion, IMO.