Hi Guera,

I haven't been on this site long, but I think I can relate to your troubles. I am currently exploring this lifestyle with an old friend of mine. Quick back story - we had a sexual encounter when I was a lot younger (we naturally fell into a D/s type of scene) but never had a relationship, per say. We remained close friends and would "slip up" every once in a while when we were in between vanilla relationships. Recently, we have embarked on a more consistent relationship (but have yet to label it) and are having a great time exploring this world together in the bedroom, although we don't talk about it much outside the bedroom.

My friend has known me a long time, been my best friend even. I think he has always been attracted to me because Im independent and ambitious. In fact, I would go as far to say, until recently, I have retained a lot of the control in this relationship (people used to call me his Estella because he chased me for years).

In the past, when it was really just a bedroom thing, I loved being submissive to him. Still do. But as we approach a more meaningful relationship, I am having a really hard time being submissive outside the bedroom. It feels like a constant power struggle. I'm still interested in exploring it though...but I think he is sensing my apprehension, which is why he isn't pushing the issue...


So, kind of the inverse of your situation? How do I submit to him and retain the dominant side of my personality that I know he loves (and that I'm not ready to lose touch with).

I have another question to throw out to the forum. How did you tranfer from bedroom only to 24/7? And, how do you know when to start talking about it?