Male submissives

[spank_my_]

Thanks Denuseri,

Your answer makes perfect sense.

however, it is a little daunting for a newbie to post in the forums and to participate in chat. I'm trying and so far had a wonderful welcome from everyone involved.

As i said - i'm still hopeful, but it seems to be a steeper uphill battle for male subs than female, so not surprisingly, fewer of us find what we are looking for here.

Don't misunderstand me - this is not a complaint, just an honest newbie male sub response to the question that was asked to start the thread.

sm

[IAN 2411]

Thanks Denuseri,

Your answer makes perfect sense.

however, it is a little daunting for a newbie to post in the forums and to participate in chat. I'm trying and so far had a wonderful welcome from everyone involved.

As i said - i'm still hopeful, but it seems to be a steeper uphill battle for male subs than female, so not surprisingly, fewer of us find what we are looking for here.

Don't misunderstand me - this is not a complaint, just an honest newbie male sub response to the question that was asked to start the thread.

sm

It might be a little daunting, but you are not going to find what you’re looking for by doing very little or nothing at all. Read the forums and post in the ones that you think you can learn from, or help. Go into chat and sit back and learn from others that are talking fact, just because you are there it does not mean you have to speak more that polite welcomes until you feel easy to join in. The hill is steep and not just for male subs, but life is full of compromising and you might have to do that to go forward. Denuseri has given you some good advice by telling you to get exposure of the correct kind, because all that a couple of posts will get you is forgotten, and you will be cast aside like the hundreds before you. Be remembered and talked about for the correct reasons. There is also real life to think about, there are what your looking for out in the world that are not on this site, and they are looking for you just the same as you are looking for them.

Regards ian 2411

[Bernardobravo]

It may also be that submission is a lot more arousing in fantasies than in real play ?

[Dryhill]

Oh god I hope not.

It has taken me most of my 60 years to realise that i am submisive and that there are others like me. It has taken me several years (since I learnt that it was ok to be submissive) to find the courage to start looking for a Mistress. So I hope real play can be as good as fantasies.

[IAN 2411]

Oh god I hope not.

It has taken me most of my 60 years to realise that i am submisive and that there are others like me. It has taken me several years (since I learnt that it was ok to be submissive) to find the courage to start looking for a Mistress. So I hope real play can be as good as fantasies.

Be very sure of what you are looking for, because there is more to being a male submissive than having a Mistress to worship. Loyalty, respect and devotion are all factors, but before you get even close to all those there has to be buckets full of trust travelling both ways. You might in the end find that your fantasies are nothing like the real deal, you might even find that you are not as submissive as you first thought, but there is no harm in pursuing a dream, as long as your expectations are not greater than reality.

Regards ian 2411

[Dryhill]

I think my submissive nature and trying to copy my fathers dominent role in his marriage was what led to my marriage breaking down.
I married someone with a stronger character than me but constantly tried to be "head of the marriage/family". Of course this led to disharmony. When I started to let my wife take the lead I felt happier with life but by then too much harm had been done to our relationship.

[Guera]

little tip: reducing yourself to nothing more than a role, ie "wannabeslave", is a turn off to many of us ladies (and gents too??) I don't mean to pick on wannanbeslave, lots of people do the same thing.

Anyhow, I think women prefer a more complex dynamic, and for a male sub to also be a person with a name (pretend though it may be), is good.

[fetishdj]

I think everyone is looking for depth in any relationship, especially BDSM where the choice of partner you make can have a more serious impact on safety and well being. It goes both ways... I am usually more suspicious of a Domme who comes across as 'uberDomme' than one who displays some level of humanity in her interactions - sense of humour, vulnerabilities and so on. The former may have something to hide (in some cases what they have to hide is that they are not really a Domme at all) whereas the latter is more likely to be a real person with real needs.

So, both sides need to be aware of how they come across to others. Especially in things like forum posts and e-mails where emotional responses are harder to convey.

[Guera]

"I think everyone is looking for depth in any relationship, "

that I wouldn't be so sure of. Esp. when it comes to sex or fantasy, which is all that some people (esp. online) are interested in. So, exactly like you said, when words are all we have to go by, emotion and conveyance are just somethings we have to guess at.

[IAN 2411]

I married someone with a stronger character than me but constantly tried to be "head of the marriage/family"

I believe this is fighting for control between two strong minds, and was inevitable that something was going to break, and I also think it has very little to do with Domination or submissiveness.

When I started to let my wife take the lead I felt happier with life but by then too much harm had been done to our relationship.

This statement does not mean you are a submissive either, are you sure that your brain never resigned to the fact that you were in a losing battle, and it felt more comfortable just giving up for peace. The fact that your marriage broke up could also be down to the fact that you did give up, and it was the continues battles with your wife that was keeping it alive. Is it really a Mistress that you are looking for, or another mate that is strong in mind that you would freely hand over power to? If this is the case then i advise you to be very careful, because sometimes people get more that they wish for.

Regards ian 2411

[Dryhill]

The fact that your marriage broke up could also be down to the fact that you did give up, and it was the continues battles with your wife that was keeping it alive.

Regards ian 2411[/QUOTE]

[Dryhill]

Sorry I cannot seem to work out how the quote thingy works. In response to ian 2411's remark about me giving up and my wifes battles keeping the marriage going. I suppose that could be the case but it was her that walked out leaving two young children behind. The comment about me wanting a Mistress or another mate, now that is a good question which I had better look at again. However it is not all about handing over power I would need to respect her.

Being a taxi driver 16+ hours a day I meet plenty who are only to keen to show how much more superior than me they are, mostly it is women. None like that, male or female, have had my respect. The reverse is true of those who show some concern about me waiting long into the early hours for them, or are willing to explain why their job has kept both of out to three or four in the morning.

Any way thank you for your comments, which I will have to go away and think about.

[Ozme52]

Sorry I cannot seem to work out how the quote thingy works.

Press the button that says quote.
Wait for the next screen.

Type your comments either before the quote or after the /quote.

[Ozme52]

Sorry I cannot seem to work out how the quote thingy works.

Press the button that says quote.
Wait for the next screen.

Type your comments either before the quote or after the /quote.

[Jennifer Williams]

Be nice, Oz.

The code needs to surround the text, it starts with [quote] and then ends with the same thing but there's a / before the word quote (I can't type it or else it will work and you won't see the code)

As far as your marriage falling apart, without more details I can't really say, but I had a similar experience where I tried to have a power-equal relationship with my little one for years and all we did was fight, argue, and be miserable. I kept on asking him things like "where do you want to go to eat," "what should we have for lunch," "what movie do you want to watch" and his answer was always "whatever you want," and I was so bent on making us be equal that I'd yell at him to have an opinion, and his response was always "but I just want to please you; I just want what you want."

This misery lasted years until I admitted to myself (and then to him) that yes, I really would much rather dominate and he just sighed and said "Oh, thank God. Now please just tell me what to make for dinner."

[fetishdj]

As far as your marriage falling apart, without more details I can't really say, but I had a similar experience where I tried to have a power-equal relationship with my little one for years and all we did was fight, argue, and be miserable. I kept on asking him things like "where do you want to go to eat," "what should we have for lunch," "what movie do you want to watch" and his answer was always "whatever you want," and I was so bent on making us be equal that I'd yell at him to have an opinion, and his response was always "but I just want to please you; I just want what you want."

This misery lasted years until I admitted to myself (and then to him) that yes, I really would much rather dominate and he just sighed and said "Oh, thank God. Now please just tell me what to make for dinner."

This sounds so familiar... in my case, I generally say 'whatever you want' because I know that whatever I say she'll do what she wants anyway

[Dryhill]

This misery lasted years until I admitted to myself (and then to him) that yes, I really would much rather dominate and he just sighed and said "Oh, thank God. Now please just tell me what to make for dinner."

Something like that, she would often be dominant in bed but was not interested for the rest of the time. Of course when kids come along it is not as easy, but I am sure others have found ways round that problem.

[Dryhill]

[QUOTE=Jennifer Williams;865277]Be nice, Oz.

The code needs to surround the text, it starts with [quote] and then ends with the same thing but there's a / before the word quote (I can't type it or else it will work and you won't see the code)

Great now I have got the hang of it. Thanks a lot.

[chuck]

{QUOTE=Jennifer Williams;865277}Be nice, Oz.

The code needs to surround the text, it starts with {quote} and then ends with the same thing but there's a / before the word quote (I can't type it or else it will work and you won't see the code)

Great now I have got the hang of it. Thanks a lot.

Well You almost have it, Dryhill. In this case, you typed in the word "quote" bracketed by "[" and "]" in the text when you were talking about it. This caused the quote function not to work properly. (I edited your quote and used the curly brackets so it wouldn't screw up my entry). I'm always screwing up, so I take advantage of the "Preview Post" function to assure I got it right. Of course I have previewed then forgot to actually submit a reply and lost the post entirely... just something to keep in mind.

Another useful feature is the "Edit" feature that is available right after a post. (The edit button disappears after a while). It seems like I always have something else to say or have screwed up on my initial post and it gives me a way to correct it.

[Jennifer Williams]

Preview post is great. If you need more help with it, there is an entire tech question thread at the top of the forum and people will be happy to help you figure out how to make all kinds of crazy posts.

Back to the discussion at hand, just like anything else in life if you want something, you have to work towards it. "How to win over a Domme" is almost like asking "how to win over a girl". Pay attention to her; listen when she talks, remember what she says, take note of if what you do makes her happy or not. Repeat things that make her happy, do not repeat things that make her upset. Just like any girl. Except, well, the tasks before you might be very different...

Did I mention pay attention? My little one wins me over every day by just doing that. For example we were having a conversation, I mentioned to him in passing what my favorite movie was and that I always wished I'd owned the soundtrack to it. And then after our first date, there it was, the CD of that soundtrack sitting on the seat of my car. I never asked for it, he just gave it. He got nice rewards that night

And if you're trying to win over an online Domme, the only way to do that is to talk to her. Just like in real life. Start with posting on the forum, then maybe move up to PMs, then maybe you'll get her email address, right chuck?

[moonlitsub]

kind of funny how this discussion continued on even after I left the forum for awhile I had gotten into a relationship and been distracted by that and I definitely know all about trying to win over a Domme now. It seems tricky at times being submissive yet having the flirty nature. My Mistress would respond in equal to how submissive you where which was hard because I am kind of reactive as well but I think after awhile I learned a little bit of what to say and how to say it to make Her happy. Yet not seem too forward.

[lejonhjarta]

well... in the interests of not being a "lurker" or another silent male sub, ill toss my hat into the ring.
for me just starting on here (and just starting to realise what being submissive means), i find it can be quite intimidating and overwhelming on here, not intentionaly, but i somtimes worry about responding to a thread, about my feelings on somthing right after somone who's been a sub 24/7 for 8 or 10 years. it's not that i feel my opinions are invalid at all, but most of the time the posts i'm realy interested in have somone who's beaten me, (ouch, no pun intended!) to the punch by expressing what i would have in words so simple and eliquent that all i can do is shrug and be glad somone else understands and can articulate the expericen.

[thir]

most of the time the posts i'm realy interested in have somone who's beaten me, (ouch, no pun intended!) to the punch by expressing what i would have in words so simple and eliquent that all i can do is shrug and be glad somone else understands and can articulate the expericen.

But, since male subs feel or are so invisible here, why not say your piece anyway?

So you can find each other?

[lejonhjarta]

thir, that's why i posted that. i'm workin on finding my voice here

[didoanna]

Umm...from a very personal point of view, I think that the issue for males and 'submissiveness' isn't that members of the chatrooms don't want to chat or talk but rather as a non-pushy type, it is difficult to kinda 'drop in' to the conversations and 'little groups' on the forums.

I thought very long and hard about that when I first started visting the chat rooms & forums but I think thanks to the nice people on here I've spoken too, I can be far more open and honest about my submissiveness and my non-pushyness. I found it extremely difficult to open up and admit that I really couldn't cope with canings and being chained up as it made me really cry (as it does in real life relationships).

I think once I had been that honest in the forums and chat rooms, I seemed to 'connect' more both with Dominants and submissives whom I chatted with. I think though the first step, and I found it really hard, is to try and chat with people openly. I mean I felt, and it will sound very silly, very stupid when I first explained to people (who were openly talking about caning and stuff like that) that I just couldn't cope with that sort of pain and that I really wasn't very pushy.

Yes, now I get teased a bit for being not very 'fierce' but I find it much easier to talk in the rooms as I find it easier to discuss my 'non pushyness' with people of all status' who want to chat with me. I think the danger for some male submissives is that they still want to be 'pushy' even if the situation is clearly not meant for that.

Umm, I've probably not explained it very well, but hopefully, people will understand what I mean.

[thir]

Umm...from a very personal point of view, I think that the issue for males and 'submissiveness' isn't that members of the chatrooms don't want to chat or talk but rather as a non-pushy type, it is difficult to kinda 'drop in' to the conversations and 'little groups' on the forums.

I thought very long and hard about that when I first started visting the chat rooms & forums but I think thanks to the nice people on here I've spoken too, I can be far more open and honest about my submissiveness and my non-pushyness. I found it extremely difficult to open up and admit that I really couldn't cope with canings and being chained up as it made me really cry (as it does in real life relationships).

I think once I had been that honest in the forums and chat rooms, I seemed to 'connect' more both with Dominants and submissives whom I chatted with. I think though the first step, and I found it really hard, is to try and chat with people openly. I mean I felt, and it will sound very silly, very stupid when I first explained to people (who were openly talking about caning and stuff like that) that I just couldn't cope with that sort of pain and that I really wasn't very pushy.

Yes, now I get teased a bit for being not very 'fierce' but I find it much easier to talk in the rooms as I find it easier to discuss my 'non pushyness' with people of all status' who want to chat with me. I think the danger for some male submissives is that they still want to be 'pushy' even if the situation is clearly not meant for that.

Umm, I've probably not explained it very well, but hopefully, people will understand what I mean.

It good to hear about things that work :-))
Pain does not have to come into it at all, did you guys discuss that as well?
Nor does restraint of any kind.

About being pushy, do you mean as in getting into the conversations in the chat. I am not on the chats myself, but if there is a problem there with being a male sub, it would be good to have it discussed. The forums could do with some more male subs :-)

[didoanna]

Umm, the only time I get caned is if I really do something stupid such as drink alcohol without permission or choose to stay out late without letting them know where I am. As I've had major issues with alcohol in the past, these are rules set in my best interests but they are absolute boundaries....If I break them, I get a caning.

And where ever possible on a Sunday all of us sit down to eat lunch together. They both feel it is a sensible thing to do and I don't mind at all. Other than that, at the weekends I can plan to go out to the cinema and stuff with my two best friends.

The two people who run my life know I can't cope with being handcuffed or anything like that. It is purely a mental thing and I'd scream the place down if they tried to punish me in that way. So of course they don't....but they do know I love listening to music so I might loose the use of my MP3 player or music center in my room for a period of time. And travelling to work without an MP3 player is sooo boring. Likewise, I love Dorito's and Diet Coke and can find those luxuries stopped very quickly indeed if I do something wrong.

The key though is communication, I always get a chance to put my side forward before they (and I stress they) make a decision. Umm, I know it seems weird but it seems to work for us and that's pretty much my view of all lifestyles that people freely enter into...if it works for others, who am I to say. I should say though that I've got supportive friends which also helps a huge amount.

[bd1240]

as a bi-male sub and new to this site I'm hoping to meet a few DOMs. I've been with more male DOMS and unfortunately just one female DOM. Big problem is finding people who are serious, aren't crazy/deranged, and can understand schedules. i travel frequently enjoy serving people.

[IAN 2411]

well... in the interests of not being a "lurker" or another silent male sub, ill toss my hat into the ring.
for me just starting on here (and just starting to realise what being submissive means), i find it can be quite intimidating and overwhelming on here, not intentionaly, but i somtimes worry about responding to a thread, about my feelings on somthing right after somone who's been a sub 24/7 for 8 or 10 years. it's not that i feel my opinions are invalid at all, but most of the time the posts i'm realy interested in have somone who's beaten me, (ouch, no pun intended!) to the punch by expressing what i would have in words so simple and eliquent that all i can do is shrug and be glad somone else understands and can articulate the expericen.

Sites are only as intimidating and overwhelming as you wish to make them, the whole point of a thread is for a person to give their view. It does not matter if another has written the same as you were thinking, what counts is you telling them that you think the same way whether right or wrong and by doing so giving them your support. All 24/7 relationships are different and there are no set rules. I was 24/7 for 30 years as a submissive, but I never came home from real work and was hung like a bat overnight from the ceiling. Once my Mistress had children the D/s relationship was more like a few hours some nights and the odd weekend. I also had work away from home, and after a two day stint away I was to knackered to breathe let alone play games.

Be well Ian2411

[bd1240]

I'm a male sub--and I enjoy relationships, but looks like this site has a lot of people into pyscho-analysis. Does anyone here really have relationships? I'm sure I'll get lambasted but a good beating always feels good :-) Probably why I always end back at the gay sites with a good DOM gay male who just enjoys a good sub bottom. i'd love to meet a woman who enjoys dominating a man, I love serving a woman's needs--sexual and otherwise. I love kinky sex, but just doing what I'm asked to do is good too. Mistress, are you out there? Failing that, Master are you out there?