The Joys of a High-Maintenace sub

[Warbaby1943]

Ugh! Nothing will go wrong with me -smiles innocently-

You wanna buy?

-bats eyelashes-

I will need that comprehensive warranty. LOL

[wingsofanangel]

Sold!

To the only bidder...

I must warn you.. I lose 70% of my value when I am driven from the lot...

I will slave for you 70% of the time and only be bratty and defiant 30% of the time... its exhausting.

[Slade]

I've found high maintenance subs to be some of the more enjoyable people to train and teach. I remember in the case of one I had to all but program out her entire day, at times it added up but I did take a great amount of enjoyment in deciding things from what she wore to what she did, so did she. It was what she wanted and needed.

[Mishka]

High-maintenance = love and attention.

I guess it is a bit late to quibble about the definition here, but this thread is sorta my attempt to lavish some love, attention, and reassurance on my subs. They need it at times, and at times they feel they are a bit too much trouble. I want them to know that I consider them to be worth the trouble. After all, if they were not, I could be a bad Dom and simply go find one of those doormats.

Thank You, Sir.

You're worth the trouble, too, Master. i mean that in the most endearing way possible.

[Ozme52]

High-maintenance = love and attention.

I guess it is a bit late to quibble about the definition here, but this thread is sorta my attempt to lavish some love, attention, and reassurance on my subs. They need it at times, and at times they feel they are a bit too much trouble. I want them to know that I consider them to be worth the trouble. After all, if they were not, I could be a bad Dom and simply go find one of those doormats.

Den ya shudda called da t'read "The Joys of Lavishing Love and Attention"

[pixie_dust]

Den ya shudda called da t'read "The Joys of Lavishing Love and Attention"

Oz, I think perhaps you've spent too much time up north. *giggles* You're sounding like a "yooper".

[Warbaby1943]

Sold!

To the only bidder...

I must warn you.. I lose 70% of my value when I am driven from the lot...

I will slave for you 70% of the time and only be bratty and defiant 30% of the time... its exhausting.

Maybe needs a muffler then. Hope that is covered by the warranty.

[kestrel]

We have the beginnings of the criteria for our contest then.

1. Attention Whore...nope, not me
2. Whine...yep, have been known to
3. Pout...been known to do this too
4. Temper Tantrums...I wouldn't call them tantrums.....just artistic expressions of my anger.....yeah, that's it
5. Desires Cuddling...most definitely!!
6. Desires loving...who doesn't?
7. Acts out to get Attention...Now would I do something like that?
8. Bratty...I would never dream of being a brat.
9. Lovable...why of course, and cute too.
10. Good Girl/Boy...I'm always a good girl, even when I'm bad.
11. Worth it to their Dom/mes...He says I am

[Warbaby1943]

We have the beginnings of the criteria for our contest then.

1. Attention Whore...nope, not me
2. Whine...yep, have been known to
3. Pout...been known to do this too
4. Temper Tantrums...I wouldn't call them tantrums.....just artistic expressions of my anger.....yeah, that's it
5. Desires Cuddling...most definitely!!
6. Desires loving...who doesn't?
7. Acts out to get Attention...Now would I do something like that?
8. Bratty...I would never dream of being a brat.
9. Lovable...why of course, and cute too.
10. Good Girl/Boy...I'm always a good girl, even when I'm bad.
11. Worth it to their Dom/mes...He says I am

9 out of 10 on the surface appears very good, at least to the untrained eye.

[Rhabbi]

Den ya shudda called da t'read "The Joys of Lavishing Love and Attention"

Two points.

1. It is my thread.
2. I thought this sounded better.

Plus, it got your attention.

[Rhabbi]

9 out of 10 on the surface appears very good, at least to the untrained eye.

She is subtle in her answers WB, trust me that she nailed all 10.

[Warbaby1943]

She is subtle in her answers WB, trust me that she nailed all 10.

LOL I believe you because you should know.

[kestrel]

~adds subtle to me list then grins all cute like at Warbaby and Rhabbi~

[Ozme52]

Oz, I think perhaps you've spent too much time up north. *giggles* You're sounding like a "yooper".

[Ozme52]

Two points.

1. It is my thread.
2. I thought this sounded better.

Plus, it got your attention.

Then you gotta define your terms or expect dissent.

[Rhabbi]

Then you gotta define your terms or expect dissent.

Dissent away, it keeps the thread up.

[thrall]

One of my favorite movie is...When Harry Met Sally....there is a quote in that movie that I have always loved..........



Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.


ROTFLMAO............So I guess this makes me the worst kind.......*wink*

[Rhabbi]

One of my favorite movie is...When Harry Met Sally....there is a quote in that movie that I have always loved..........



Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.


ROTFLMAO............So I guess this makes me the worst kind.......*wink*

Definately.

[Ozme52]

It seems counter productive to encourage subs to think of themselves as high-maintenance.

But then... you insist on defining it to suit your own needs. And will probably continue to do so until you meet a high maintenance chicklet who thinks that's what you want.

'Nuff said.

[thrall]

It seems counter productive to encourage subs to think of themselves as high-maintenance.

...................Exactly!.............lol


I don't think of myself as high-maintenance......... and an a normal basis I'm not. And I certainly don't ever want to be considered high-maintenance.

Good Doms however, encourage us to feel our emotions and show them, which in turn makes, ...or at least makes me

.........somewhat........ sad to say......high-maintenance.......LOL

A good Dom wants to know if you are happy or sad. A good Dom wants to know exactly how you are feeling, good or bad. A good Dom wants to know how your day was, and how it is going at the moment. A good Dom wants to know the what is going on inside your head.......

Sometimes the answers are not always the warm fuzzy things in life...........

When I'm crying and sad, I need comfort and love.
When I'm being crazy and unreasonable, I need talking back from the edge.

That is what I consider to be high-maintenance, and not something that I enjoy at all. But they are parts of me. They are the parts that a good Dom should want to see.........and feel

.........which unfortunately sometimes makes me........well you know...........LOL

[Aussiegirl1]

Good Doms however, encourage us to feel our emotions and show them.

A good Dom wants to know if you are happy or sad. A good Dom wants to know exactly how you are feeling, good or bad. A good Dom wants to know how your day was, and how it is going at the moment. A good Dom wants to know the what is going on inside your head.......

I agree. In most situations I am what I consider to be low maintence, but when it comes to D/s and baring my emotions.......... things are different.

I have been taught to accept that all feelings are good, so long as I take the time to explore them. As someone who was very good at burying my feelings, this has been a life changing thought for me.

So if being emotional makes me high maintanence, then that is what I am. I am lucky I have WB to support me in every way I need.

As to the name of the thread, I don't care what it is called, it is the content that is important to me.

[Warbaby1943]

I agree. In most situations I am what I consider to be low maintence, but when it comes to D/s and baring my emotions.......... things are different.

I have been taught to accept that all feelings are good, so long as I take the time to explore them. As someone who was very good at burying my feelings, this has been a life changing thought for me.

So if being emotional makes me high maintanence, then that is what I am. I am lucky I have WB to support me in every way I need.

As to the name of the thread, I don't care what it is called, it is the content that is important to me.

So you know there is no way I consider you high maintenance at all.

[Aussiegirl1]

So you know there is no way I consider you high maintenance at all.

Thank you Master

[Rhabbi]

It seems counter productive to encourage subs to think of themselves as high-maintenance.

But then... you insist on defining it to suit your own needs. And will probably continue to do so until you meet a high maintenance chicklet who thinks that's what you want.

'Nuff said.

I believe the term you are looking for is tongue in cheek. I am willing to stick by my definition here. Also, I would like to point out that I am not encouraging subs to be high-maintenance, I am simply pointing out the fact that they are.

Since you seem to prefer the type of sub who does not get emotionally involved, or who allows a Dom to treat her any way he likes, you are free to find that type. As I said before, I prefer a bit of a challenge.

[wingsofanangel]

Sooo this is getting a lil heavy..

how about we go back to focusing on me

[Ozme52]

I believe the term you are looking for is tongue in cheek. I am willing to stick by my definition here. Also, I would like to point out that I am not encouraging subs to be high-maintenance, I am simply pointing out the fact that they are.

Me looking for a term? My vocabulary is quite fine thank you very much.

Are you now claiming you've said this as tongue in cheek? Or just confused about my comment?

Since you seem to prefer the type of sub who does not get emotionally involved, or who allows a Dom to treat her any way he likes, you are free to find that type. As I said before, I prefer a bit of a challenge.

You obviously know nothing about me. Tell you what. I'll refrain from making further comments on your opinions as I seem to make you uncomfortable.

[Warbaby1943]

Sooo this is getting a lil heavy..

how about we go back to focusing on me

And what should that focus be?

[Hime]

Oz --

I can see where you're coming from. It actually reminds me of something my grandmother used to say -- that you shouldn't tell children that they're cute, because then they'll learn how to use it to their advantage. If a Dom took too much care to reassure his/her submissive that it's ok to be high maintenance and that it's good to be a challenge, that could easily turn into a frustrating situation where it was impossible to maintain discipline.

However, I have seen plenty of women in vanilla relationships forcing themselves to put up with neglect and downright bad behavior from their SOs because they "don't want to be high-maintenance." A lot of women seem to want to be "low-maintenance" so much (because they think it's the only way to be attractive to men) that they ignore their own warning signs and limits. In a vanilla relationship, that can lead to a lot of pain, but in a BDSM relationship it could be even more serious. I don't want to see women coming into this community thinking that it's not ok for them to ask for reassurance, aftercare, or even respect for what they will and won't do, you know? You can say that a good Dom will know when to provide care and attention, but honestly, even the best Dom will sometimes have a moment of distraction or self-absorption* and not notice that his sub is struggling in a way that isn't positive or healthy.

So it seems to me that whether you glorify high- or low-maintenance, the terminology still presents a lot of problems. My opinion, which may or may not be welcome, is that that's because it's an essentially sexist idea -- that women are like cars, which provide certain benefits in return for a level of "maintenance" that is ideally kept as low as possible. In other words, the sex (and presumably cooking, child-raising, etc) are the "ride" and the time you spend talking, cuddling, and bonding are like, say, changing the oil. Having to maintain a relationship is the price you have to pay for regular pussy. Considering the value that people in this lifestyle (and on this forum!) put on their relationships, it's not surprising that using this kind of terminology, even jokingly, would lead to conflict.

[seriouslynosn]

I consider myself to be high maintenance. Not because I have to have my own way or I need things or I primp but because I tend to be a little too self centered. And not in a egotistical sense (boyfriend would laugh if he read this), but in the sense that I worry constantly about my actions. This might seem self-conscious, but that's just because I can't seem to explain what the hell I'm trying to say...*takes deep breath*

I try to control everything. EVERYTHING. From the cleanliness of the house to the emotional state of my man. I'm constantly needing him to take that control away from me. I guess that's what I mean.

[Rhabbi]

Oz --

I can see where you're coming from. It actually reminds me of something my grandmother used to say -- that you shouldn't tell children that they're cute, because then they'll learn how to use it to their advantage. If a Dom took too much care to reassure his/her submissive that it's ok to be high maintenance and that it's good to be a challenge, that could easily turn into a frustrating situation where it was impossible to maintain discipline.

I would see that as a definite problem, but a balance between the need to reassure and discipline should be maintained. And the type of sub that actually attracts me tends to look on discipline as part of the maintenance routine.

However, I have seen plenty of women in vanilla relationships forcing themselves to put up with neglect and downright bad behavior from their SOs because they "don't want to be high-maintenance." A lot of women seem to want to be "low-maintenance" so much (because they think it's the only way to be attractive to men) that they ignore their own warning signs and limits. In a vanilla relationship, that can lead to a lot of pain, but in a BDSM relationship it could be even more serious. I don't want to see women coming into this community thinking that it's not ok for them to ask for reassurance, aftercare, or even respect for what they will and won't do, you know? You can say that a good Dom will know when to provide care and attention, but honestly, even the best Dom will sometimes have a moment of distraction or self-absorption* and not notice that his sub is struggling in a way that isn't positive or healthy.

So it seems to me that whether you glorify high- or low-maintenance, the terminology still presents a lot of problems. My opinion, which may or may not be welcome, is that that's because it's an essentially sexist idea -- that women are like cars, which provide certain benefits in return for a level of "maintenance" that is ideally kept as low as possible. In other words, the sex (and presumably cooking, child-raising, etc) are the "ride" and the time you spend talking, cuddling, and bonding are like, say, changing the oil. Having to maintain a relationship is the price you have to pay for regular pussy. Considering the value that people in this lifestyle (and on this forum!) put on their relationships, it's not surprising that using this kind of terminology, even jokingly, would lead to conflict.

Terminology and semantics often leads to misunderstandings. This is something I fully understand, which is why I try to look at everything someone is saying before judging what they mean. Why quibble over semantics if the important thing is the idea?

I consider myself to be high maintenance. Not because I have to have my own way or I need things or I primp but because I tend to be a little too self centered. And not in a egotistical sense (boyfriend would laugh if he read this), but in the sense that I worry constantly about my actions. This might seem self-conscious, but that's just because I can't seem to explain what the hell I'm trying to say...*takes deep breath*

I try to control everything. EVERYTHING. From the cleanliness of the house to the emotional state of my man. I'm constantly needing him to take that control away from me. I guess that's what I mean.

I think this is a good example of high-maintenance in a sub. No way would I encourage this behavior, but simply punishing you every time you slipped into wanting control would be counterproductive in the long run. It is better, IMO, to reassure and cajole the appropriate response, with an appropriate mix of discipline. I find that talking about these things and explaining how disappointed I am that you continue to not trust me to manage them is very effective. This will make your eventual submission more complete and meaningful.