I'm in such a relationship too, have noted that elsewhere, so it's not a revelation to anyone.

I guess, in one respect, I was very fortunate. When I first got married, we talked about a lot of subjects... and one of them was fidelity. We came to the conclusion we both have large (and *dominant) egos and didn't want to have an open-swinging marriage... but also agreed that the thing that wrecked many of our friends' marriages was "forbidden fruit." So we agreed that nothing was forbidden except parting because of an affair.

We have a "don't ask-don't tell" semi-open marriage. It's worked for 30+ years.

That means I personally, can have an online relationship and can be in-the-flesh (itf) without feeling guilty about it. The hard part is finding the right partner who is either in the same situation or can live within the boundaries of my situation, as I'm determined to maintain both lifestyles.

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* We're both dominant personalities but there's no "kink" in hers. Who knows how it might have been different if I'd recognized (or faced) my own needs when I was younger. Then again, I might have been a lonely old dom... so I'm not complaining.