You make a great point Aria. What defines humiliation? Whatever the sub feels it is.

When my Dom and I were setting limits. Humiliation was a definite NO for me. However, as we explored specific acts and tasks, my Dom commented that some subs would consider many of the things I was willing to try to be humiliating. In my mindset, they were not. Even though I have somewhat of a semi-public kink, it is not humiliation which drives that kink for me, but rather the "naughtiness" of it.

I discovered that perhaps the most important factor to me was my Dom's attitude. For example, calling a sub "my cum slut" can be used in several different ways. The Dom can convey possession or be emphasizing the sexuality of the sub or can use it to lessen the sub. That last makes me think of the army - how they humiliate the new recruits in order to break them down, so the Army can reform the recruits to be proper soldiers. I don't see D/S as tearing down and rebuilding my "self", I see it as an expansion/exploration of "self" - adding on, not taking away, which is probably why humiliation doesn't work for me.

But really, it's all in the mindset. Stick a buttplug in me with a tail protruding, and I won't it as humiliating. Titillating, submissive, teasing but not humiliating.

fantassy