Humilation Debate

[Jadetiger]

Echos,
I am having a little problem with what you where told. Never and I mean never set yourself up to be a door mat for any dominant. Polite and gracious yes but never a foot stool for any dominant that wishes to step on you. Submission is a gift to be given only to those worthy of it and a title does not qualify anyone as being worthy. The gift of submission must be earned with trust and respect. I will assume your dominant is extremely protective and keeps people from taking advantage of you while you are in training so to don't have to do it yourself.

Truthfully I have a big problem understanding humiliation because like many others I see; if someone likes something or I like it as well I don't see it as humiliating. While there are many things that turn others on that would get the Dom a set of racked nuts if they tried it on me. I do understand it is a big turn on for others and I accept it willingly.

I did spent 4 days with a dominant male as the submissive and many of the items mentioned in IDCrewDawg’s post where experienced. I found none of them arousing in anyway. I guess it was a true submissive gift since he was the only one enjoying the experience. What I leaned was that when it comes to humiliation you really have to care for the person for it to work. For me that takes a very long time and a lot of one on one time before I can trust a person enough to let myself go and enjoy exploring new things.

I have explored humiliation on a smaller scale when I let my sub/switches top me. I find that very arousing at times as they find it when they are on the receiving end. I think it all boils down to the chemistry of the relationship and the individuals involved. Since neither of my subs are into humiliation we don’t really explore it. I do have to make a disclaimer here. There are several items in IDCrewDawg’s list that we would not consider humiliation but we are perverts.

Psynymph,
You do have a very good point. I am a Dom/switch and I get many requests to dominate and humiliate gentlemen via cam and very few requests from women. I am not sure if it has to do more with supply and demand or if men are generally more aggressive in seeking out play partners than women are to satisfy their needs. I think it is probably a combination of both.

The psychological aspects of humiliation I think will vary for each individual, the relationship between the individuals and the experiences they have had explored together. All I can say is I would have to really care for a person and know that it triggered extreme arousal to be able to humiliate them.

Timberwolf,
I have to agree with the lady’s have a baby then generalize. ~chuckles~ kiss

[Echoes]

Echos,
I am having a little problem with what you where told. Never and I mean never set yourself up to be a door mat for any dominant. Polite and gracious yes but never a foot stool for any dominant that wishes to step on you. Submission is a gift to be given only to those worthy of it and a title does not qualify anyone as being worthy. The gift of submission must be earned with trust and respect. I will assume your dominant is extremely protective and keeps people from taking advantage of you while you are in training so to don't have to do it yourself.

Jadetiger, not to worry, I am not in this relationship anymore, it was wonderful and new in the very beginning but the more it progressed the more it became damaging. I have not entered into a relationship again since...prefering to find my way back here after a couple years of licking wounds, sorting myself out, seeking friends, looking to learn and deciding if this is the direction I wish to continue in a much healthier atmosphere.

Truthfully I have a big problem understanding humiliation because like many others I see; if someone likes something or I like it as well I don't see it as humiliating.

This was one question I remember asking with no response...how can it be humiliating if it is enjoyable?

[gloombunny]

This was one question I remember asking with no response...how can it be humiliating if it is enjoyable?

Whereas I would ask "how can it be enjoyable if it's not humiliating?"

Seriously, your question can't really be answered. For me, at least, some kinds of humiliation are enjoyable, and that's about all I can really say about it. I can't explain why humiliation is sexy any more than I can explain, say, why a woman's breasts are sexy. They just are.

[Echoes]

Whereas I would ask "how can it be enjoyable if it's not humiliating?"

Seriously, your question can't really be answered. For me, at least, some kinds of humiliation are enjoyable, and that's about all I can really say about it. I can't explain why humiliation is sexy any more than I can explain, say, why a woman's breasts are sexy. They just are.

I love how you think !

...and thank you

[vistana]

Echos,
I am having a little problem with what you where told. Never and I mean never set yourself up to be a door mat for any dominant.

heh, doormat is his current favourite nickname for me, I'm his little doormat whenever he feels like making me squirm. Entirely because he knows it bugs me...
I've been reading this discussion with interest, since humiliation play is something I've only recently been getting into myself. My interest delights the boyfriend, who has lots of fun finding new ways to make me uncomfortable.

It's interesting reading this and other forums and seeing just how variable humiliation is.
for me, I can be called any number of names with varyng degrees of humiliation, but it's always more so when he makes me say them myself. There any number of fun sexualised names with varying degrees of embarassment attached, some slurs are practically terms of affection, while others are incredibly difficult for me say. I find words to be intensely powerful, I'm a total word nerd, and a guy who can talk well is my ultimate turn on. And making me talk, when normally submission makes me clam up completely - it's hard, but hot.
What I'm finding right now to be pretty much skirting my limits is animal play...he's trying to get me to accept being called a dog, and I just end up digging in my heels and it just doesn't go. I don't know if I'll win this one, but for whatever reason I find that sort of thing more humiliating than almost anything else... he's had me kissing his feet, I've been used as a footrest, had to lick my own juices off the floor, but try to get me to act like a dog? nuh uh, can't/won't.
I don't know how long that stance will hold... I have a feeling he's going to be sneakily persistent about this, but it's my current biggest 'eep!'.

I find that in many ways humiliation play is more intense than anything else. He can beat me black and blue, but so far it's the humiliation that will bring tears long before pain does. But man is it hawt!