I'm having a related conversation with a friend at the moment, and totally agree with this. Safe and consensual is at least as important for the psychological and emotional aspects as it is for the physical. Quite possibly more so.
I have similar lines/limits: what is between me and him, is fine, is a BIG turn on, but I don't want to share it. I must admit, I'd never actually thought of wearing no underwear/plug/remote vibrator/whatever in public as being humiliating - it just hadn't occured to me that it was! - I just think of it as continuing the fun... other people knowing? ah, well, I'm very uncomfortable with that. My tingle comes from the risk of being 'found out' - and just pushing it that little bit further. Sitting in a low sofa in a pub with his finger up my pussy. Several fingers actually. Whilst wearing a short skirt and no underwear. Now that was a challenge. God I was dripping. (Am I over sharing here?!)
Don't call me 'dear'. Don't ever, ever call me 'dear'. Unless I'm trussed up and need some teasing to get me fighting back.