Quote Originally Posted by his_j View Post
Hi all,

I've written in response to other submissive's threads: "patience". Well, I have lost mine. The "two steps forward, one step back" dance I've been in with my husband has lost about 10 steps, and I'm feeling horrible. It seemed a couple of months ago that we were about to break through to a wonderful D/s relationship, but all has come to a screeching halt, and our D/s interactions have degenerated to a little "slap and tickle" during sex. What am I doing wrong? I know he was getting into it - once in a while the energy between us was so strong you could almost see it. Is it the fact that domination is a lot of work? Preparation, thought, planning...but from what I read here on the forums, you all get the payoff you want! Is that what's missing? Am I not giving him what he needs/wants? Please answer this question: what is your reward for dominating your submissive? Is it the tears and comfort he/she requires? Is it the joy and happiness she feels when she takes what you give and gives what you want? Is it quiet obedience that satisfies you? I'm willing to go in other directions in my submissiveness, but don't know which way to turn!

Hoping for something to hang on to,
jeanne
It's actually easy to roleplay the dominant half, but if you are a true submissive, the trappings alone are insufficient. You aren't feeling his need for you to submit to him because he may in fact only be playing the role. If you've been married a number of years and had a relationship of equality, it may be actually difficult for him to see you in a subservient role. Even if he is a dominant, he may still have trouble seeing YOU in that role.

How do you change him? You may or may not be able to... but it strikes me you either have to keep trying or look elsewhere, even if on a one-off basis. Maybe even take both paths. I know that's difficult for many subs to hear. It's true in the vanilla world whether by affair or swinging/swapping or just having an open relationship. So it is no more or less onerous to consider having a D/s affair imo.

What do we, as dominants, truly crave? What's our reward? I know you've read and commented on my "Connections" thread. Re-read it with your question in mind and you'll get some insight into my joy and the rewards I feel when gifted by a willing submissive. I won't speak for other Dom/mes, but enough of them have commented as well... so there is some insight to be gained from it.

I'm willing to go in other directions in my submissiveness, but don't know which way to turn!
Before you can take any path... you really need to learn what you yourself crave, need and desire. A path that leaves you unfullfilled may not please him either and then you're both unhappy and THAT can end what you currently have together. So again I suggest... explore.